


The Long Night

by TwanaSweets



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, M/M, Mpreg, Smut, Student!Dean, Supernatural AU - Freeform, detailed depictions of sexual acts, heavy smut, pregnant!castiel, teacher!Castiel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 03:12:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 39,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4463282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwanaSweets/pseuds/TwanaSweets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Supernatural AU where Castiel Novak is a high school teacher. Dean's high school teacher. After a chance meeting at a night club, and a few too many drinks, they have a night together neither will ever forget. But when that night together leads to some unforseen consequences, can they manage to pull themselves together and make it? </p><p>Don't know how many chapters there will be, yet, but I will try to update whenever I get a space of free time in. I do intend on making this a full story, just don't know how long it will be. More chapters will be coming!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1: One Night and One More Time...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a chance meeting at a bar, Dean and Cas share one of the best nights together that either of them have ever had. But, there's more to their relationship than meets the eye, and every choice has a consequence. 
> 
> The Long Night - now remastered in italics and spaces between paragraphs! Finally, I figured out how to work AO3 to put in all the bells and whistles, so it should be _much_ easier to read now!

“Dean?”

In the flashing lights and darkness and music blaring in his ears, at first Dean wasn't sure he'd heard his name. Perhaps a lyric in the music, or he'd misheard someone yelling something...and then he realized that the man sitting next to him was staring at him a little too intently and-

“ _Mr. Novak?!_ ” flashes of his sixth hour teacher passed through his mind. In fact, he'd just seen the man earlier that day, in sixth hour mythology. Fine-pressed button down tucked into a pair of brown slacks with a black belt and shiny black shoes. Hair combed to perfection in that almost messy but sculptured way...that man was sitting along side of him now, in a polo and jeans. He wasn't even aware Mr. Novak wore jeans. It was a good look on him. Dean began to laugh.

“Do you find this funny, Dean?” Mr. Novak asked, and Dean thought he heard a hint of a slur in his words. It occurred to him there was an empty shot glass in his hand.

“I think it's hilarious! What the hell are you doing here? Don't you have some essays to grade or some shit?”

“Watch your language!” Mr. Novak snapped, which only caused Dean to laugh harder. “I should be asking you the same question, Mr. Winchester. What are you doing here?” He tried to sound serious, but Dean could hear the lightheartedness in his voice. He was trying not to laugh along with Dean.

“Eighteen. I'm totally legal.”

“That drink's not.” his eyes shot down to the glass of Jack in Dean's hand.

Dean shrugged, “Come on, Castiel, we all know you won't rat out your favorite.”

Castiel Novak actually _rolled his eyes_. Dean wondered if he was dreaming right now. Maybe he had never even woken up this morning. That would be nice. If the day had been one giant dream.

But then it seemed as though, for the first time in his life, Castiel's shoulders relaxed. And he looked like the weight of worlds had been lifted off his shoulders.

“You know what, Dean? You're not my student tonight. I have no opinion of your presence here.” He shoved his glass across the counter, signaling for a refill.

“Man, even when you're not being a teacher, you're boring as hell.” Dean chuckled.

Castiel laughed as well, running a nervous hand through his hair.

He laughed! Dean stopped just to marvel at the strange behavior. Castiel, or Mr. Novak in the classroom, wasn't some sulking, depressed man who everyone felt bad for. He was a fun guy, a great teacher, and he knew how to make learning fun, even for students like Dean who only needed a D average to graduate. But he had never seen him _really laugh_ before. He knew how to captivate and catch the interest of everyone in his class, even the ones who'd taken it as a blow off class, but he had never seen the man let go this way. Mr. Novak was respected because he was young enough to actually understand the student body. He wasn't one of those “well back in my day we had to _walk_ to school and plow the fields when we got home” he gave light homework, when he gave it, and his tests weren't ridiculous, and students actually knew the material they had learned. He was one of those rare teachers that knew learning the material was more important than memorizing it for tests and crap. But never in Dean's life, well the whole senior year he'd known Mr. Novak, had he seen the man laugh in such a relaxed, loose way.

The bartender placed another drink in front of Castiel, and Dean ordered one as well.

“Dean, what are you doing here? Where's your friends?”

Dean shrugged, “All over. One of these fine people will become my friend for the night. If you know what I mean.” Dean raised his eyebrows suggestively.

“Dean Winchester! Do not speak like that in front of me!” Cas blushed, flustered, he nearly fell off his stool.

“I can't help it, Cas. I'm here to have fun, and fun I will have!” He felt dangerous, calling the man by his first name. Normally that got him scolded in the classroom, and he waited for the sharp reminder that he was to call him Mr. Novak.

Castiel laughed instead, and before they knew it, Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak were caught up in near casual conversation. It often bordered very dangerously into flirtation, until, Dean hadn't realized it, but at some point he'd begun to swoon Castiel. Without thinking he'd laid out his charm, put on the show, and Castiel was buying every minute of it like a sixteen year old girl. He had never seen Castiel in non-professional mode, and he liked it. A lot. A lot of drinks later, things began to get blurry, slurry, and turned into moments neither of them would ever have thought they would.

“Dean, I just want to take you home with me in my pocket.” Castiel laughed.

“Well I could try!” Dean said, jamming his hand into Castiel's back jean pocket.

Castiel let out a cry of surprise, jumping up at the feel of Dean's hand on his ass, red in the face from embarrassment and laughter.

“You're so bad!”

“Let's be bad together. You and me, Castiel. Let's go somewhere and be bad together.”

“Don't, Dean. Don't do that.” his voice grew more somber as he sat back down.

“Why not?”

“Because I might take you up on it!”

Dean leaned in real close to Castiel, studying his face. He knew he had Castiel in the palm of his hand, he just had to teach his mouth muscles to say “yes” instead of no. Or to kiss. Or both. “Come on, Cas. What are you afraid of?”

Those seemed to be the magic words, because in minutes they were stumbling out the door, clambering into a taxi, and trying to keep their hands off of each other. By the time they'd pulled up to Cas' house, Dean's hand had snaked over to gripping Cas' inner thigh, occasionally rubbing up against Cas' crotch, and Cas was close to bubbling over in giddiness, playfully pushing Dean's hand away before it came back again.

The two nearly went barreling out the taxi as it pulled up to the curb, Cas throwing money at the driver before rushing Dean up the short driveway and to the front door, sunken into a brick wall, with a few dull windows, but all that Dean paid attention to was not tripping and making it inside and the rush in his head and twist in his gut. He was actually going to do this. They were going to do this. It was going to happen.

As Cas shut the door behind them, Dean spared no time turning on him. He gripped the other man's hips, locking him in place as he had to lean down slightly to press his lips against Cas'. He tasted like liquor and something sweet that he couldn't place, but didn't care to dwell on it. It was a sweet lipped, hard but restrained kiss, closed lips. But Cas kissed back, and that was what mattered. Their lips pressed together, breathing against each other for a moment before Dean brought up his knee between Cas' legs, grinding it against his penis.

“Ah!” Cas exclaimed, gripping the leather of Dean's jacket at the back, bunching it up in his hands.

Dean took the opportunity to snake his tongue into Cas' mouth. He yelped in surprise, but Dean was already in, tasting every part of Cas' mouth, painting it with his tongue. And, slowly, Cas began to kiss back. His tongue slowly made its way into Dean's mouth, and Dean kissed him harder. Noses smashed up against each other, hot, heavy breaths into each others mouths. Dean had to pull back because his brain and lungs were screaming at him to get air before he passed out. Both of them were left gasping for life for a moment, before Dean moved to kissing up Cas' jawline.

“Gonna get you so hard for me.” Dean murmured in his ear as he rubbed his knee into Cas' bulge, which was getting bigger and harder by the moment.

“No-Dean-we-”

“Cas, just _shut up_.” Dean said, dropping his hips low and grinding against Cas' now fully grown and hard erection with his own. Dean was only half hard, but he was still testing the true limits. He needed to know if he could really get Cas to go all the way with this. He proceeded to kiss Cas along his jawline, wanting to taste every bit of this man. He kissed and nibbled and licked his way down his neck and to his collarbones.

“Bed...bed...bedroom.” Cas gasped, panting heavily.

Dean shuffled along with him, making their way to the bedroom, somehow never managing to lose contact with each other, but losing most of their clothes. Their bare chests cemented together, Dean's hands wandered to places that made Cas jump and squeal as they sunk into the bedroom. Grabbing at his ass to pull him in tight, or dipping into his hips. Cas' skin was smooth, though every once in a while he ran into a bump or patch of skin that was different, and he tried to make a mental map of each and every scar and imperfection, but it all got lost in the heat of their bodies meshing together. Now there was just the thin material of their underwear separating them, and Dean wanted it gone. He wanted to feel every bit of Cas. Touch every part of him. He hooked his thumbs into Cas' underwear and began slowly dragging them down. He pressed himself against Cas, feeling the hard heat of his erection.

“Oh, Dean! Let's just do it! Let's do it!” Cas groaned needfully.

“You wanna put your dick in me?” Dean whispered to him.

“No...you... _fuck me_.”

Dean chuckled against Cas' collarbone, “Alright, baby. You gonna lube me up or what?”

Cas put his hands against Dean's shoulders, giving him a gentle push back, he made a quick step to the side, pulling open a drawer on his nightstand and thrusting a small bottle of lube at Dean.

Dean took it, flicking open the cap, “Oh, you wanna watch me while I do it myself?” he asked.

“No-I...” Cas seemed so lost, confused, and desperate to just have something happen already.

Dean laughed, “No, no, I get it.” he squirted a small pool into his hand, “You wanna watch. Watch.” he reached down and pulled off his underwear with his clean hand, exposing his dick to the cool air. He quickly wrapped it in his warm hand, spreading the lube up and down as he gave himself a few tugs. Cas watched bashfully, hands behind him like a small school child. Dean held himself proudly. He knew he looked good, and he took the time to admire Cas as well. He had muscles Dean had never thought he would. He had never imagined Mr. Novak with a six pack beneath those goddamn button downs. Cas wasn't chiseled by any means, but it was enough to get Dean excited over. His dick wasn't small by any means either. Cas was of a nice size. He wondered why Cas wanted to bottom, but who cared? He was about to fuck the life out of his sixth hour teacher, and that was all that mattered.

“Oh-Dean... _hurry_.” Cas begged.

Dean's stare flicked back up to Cas' face, “Oh, that will come in a minute.”

Cas nearly melted to the floor.

Dean took the moment of pause to grab Cas by the arms and throw him down to the bed, like a lion throwing a meerkat, and chased after his prey. Dean used the hand still covered in lube to reach down to stretch Cas. He leaned in closer, heat radiating off their bodies so hot the sheets might have caught fire if it weren't still dwindling in the winter months.

“Ah! Dean!” Cas gasped as the first finger hooked inside his hole.

“So tight, baby. Loosen up a little. You're about to get the fuckin' of your life.” Dean growled into his mouth, pressing his lips against Cas' right after. He felt the squeal of surprise against his lips as he slipped the second finger in. He stretched Castiel wide open, kissing him to distract him, slowly getting him looser. A few times he went in deep, searching for that sweet spot.

“Unh! Fuck me there! Dean...f-f-f-fuck me there!” Cas cried out, pleading with him.

Dean slipped his fingers out, curling them around Cas' thigh.

“You want me to fuck you?” he asked, pushing Cas' knee up to his abdomen.

“Yes! Please! Yes!”

“I'mma fuck you, Cas. Right in the pussy. I'm gon' fuck you so good in your pussy.” he groaned, pulling up the other knee.

Cas trembled as Dean ran his fingers down the center of his chest. He hooked his arms around the back of Cas' knees, rolling forward.

Dean sighed and Cas yelped as Dean slid in. Easy with Cas spread so wide open.

“Oh! Yes! Again!” Cas yelled.

Dean rolled back and forward again, harder that time.

Cas' hands clutched at the sheets to his sides, giving out another “Yes!” eyes shut.

Dean smiled and picked up a rhythm, rolling in and out on top of Cas, his knees nearly pressing against his shoulders. Dean grunted and groaned as he fucked into Cas again and again. The bed squeaked in the repetition of his thrusts, headboard lightly knocking against the wall. He dipped low, grinding his abdomen into Cas' dick, rubbing it between their bodies. Gasping and panting, Dean worked Cas, ramming his dick into Cas' prostate. He didn't know how good Cas had ever had it, but this was one of the best. He knew he was good. And Cas was a great fuck. Sexy as hell and just like putty beneath him. They seemed to fit perfectly together as Dean slid in and out.

“De-Dean! I-I'm going to come!” Cas cried.

“Come for me, baby! Let it go!”

“Ah, Dean!” Cas gripped hard at the sheets and his hot cum came spurting out onto his own stomach. Dean leaned back to try and avoid the spurts. He managed not to get hit, as most of it went up towards Cas' chest, and Dean could feel himself building as well. He drove in deep, all the way until his pelvis smacked Cas in the ass with every thrust, his hands gripping Cas' thighs tight. He bucked in hard, bang bang bang. And then he was coming inside of Cas as well. He heaved in air as he trembled through the aftershocks, wet and sticky with sweat. He pulled out of Cas, letting his legs go and leaning way forward, kissing Cas on the forehead as he panted too, before rolling to the side. He wrapped his fingers into Cas' just as he passed out.

“Dean” Dean was jolted out of his sleep. The sound of his name, it was familiar, but unusual. It wasn't Bobby's voice, and it definitely wasn't Sam. Then, as his stomach gave a twist, Dean remembered the events from last night. Uh oh.

“Dean.” the voice repeated, a bit louder and more impatient. Dean rolled over from his stomach to his back, finding his teacher, Castiel Novak, leaning nervously in the doorway. Dean became immediately aware that Cas was fully dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, and Dean was naked. It would've been super erotic if Cas didn't look pissed as hell. But, Dean wasn't about to feel bad about living his dream fuck. Since he'd met Castiel in the august heat at the beginning of the school year, he'd had pretty much that exact wet daydream, or something of the like. He wouldn't be upset over this. Plus, maybe if he played it off Cas would too. Ugh, it felt so odd to call him Cas when he wasn't drunk. It only made him want to do it more.

“Morning. How was your night?”

“Dean.” Cas stressed, and he looked worn and weary.

“What?”

“This is not a joke.” Cas' voice was so harsh Dean's balls nearly shriveled up back inside of him. Damn, that man could be intimidating. What had happened to the fun, squealing Cas from the night before, begging him for his dick?

“I know that, Cas.”

“Do you?” Cas began to rub his forehead with one of his hands, “This is serious, Dean.”

“Only because you're making it.”

“Dean!” Cas snapped harshly, and then he shook his head and took a deep breath, “Look, I'm sorry. I-I should've never taken advantage of you the way I did last night. None of this was your fault. I should've...”

“Um, I don't know how you remember last night-”

“I don't.” Cas grumbled.

“What?” Dean pushed himself up into a sitting position, making sure the sheets stayed over his lower half.

Cas shut his eyes for a moment, face pointed at the ground. Finally, he looked back at Dean and said, “I don't remember anything. I remember seeing you at the bar, and after that, it's all blank, up until this morning.”

Dean could tell he was upset, and he wasn't sure how to handle it. He wanted the fun, drunk Cas back.

“Cas-”

“Don't call me that.”

Dean felt trapped. He was stuck in his teacher's bed, naked, with the man of his dreams right there in the doorway, scathing mad. “Look, it's not _that_ bad...”

“Not that bad?!” Cas turned on Dean, stepping forward from the doorway fully into the room, “You don't think it's that bad? Dean, do you understand what we've just done? I'm going to get fired from my job.” he went off, “I-I'm going to get arrested. Oh, jeez, I'm going to be arrested. I'll never teach again. I'll never get a salary job again. I'll have to work a minimum wage shift job for the rest of my life. Who knows what they'll slap on my record. Sexual predator, pedophile. No...”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa” Dean started, getting out of the bed without thinking, too focused on Cas' meltdown, “You aren't a predator or pedophile or whatever. I'm eighteen. What we did, no matter how frowned upon, was still legal.

Cas, looking down at the floor still, trying to sort through himself, replied without looking up at Dean, “People like us, Dean, we get killed. It doesn't even matter that it was legal. They'll find a way to have one of us arrested, and just deal with the other in a dark alley. Dean, if you value your life at all, you should go home right now and pray that no one notices you were ever here. We never speak of this again, and...”

“Cas”

Cas' head jerked up to scold Dean again when he saw Dean in all his full naked glory, quickly throwing his hands up and looking away, “For the love of all things holy, Dean, cover yourself!”

Dean glanced down at himself, and then looked right back at Cas, “No.” he stated.

“No? I wasn't asking!”

“You don't tell me what to do.”

“It's my house! Put some clothes on!”

Cas' voice was roaring, making Dean want to run and hide back under the covers, but he couldn't let Cas win this. He couldn't let him do this. He took the opportunity of Cas looking away to step forward, pushing Cas back against the dresser behind him. Cas gasped and opened his eyes to find Dean directly in front of him.

“What are you doing?”

“I'm not letting you throw me away. I'm not just some little high school retard, Cas. You know it. In a few months, there won't be anything different, except I won't see you in class every day. There is nothing wrong with what we're doing. It's not illegal, and it's definitely not worth the meltdown you're having.”

“It's entirely wrong, and you need to put on some clothes.” Cas' voice was losing that commanding edge, though. Dean could tell his defenses were falling apart. He was flustered by Dean's proximity and bareness. He was getting to Castiel.

“You don't even remember last night. How can I leave you like that?”

“Don't, Dean. I'm not doing this with you. You're going to go home, and tell the authorities on me or the principal or the school board if you want. I wouldn't blame you. But you are most certainly not staying here.” Cas crossed his arms.

Though Cas was normally in a position of real authority over Dean, in this situation Dean had a couple of inches, and definitely a few pounds of muscle, on Cas, and they both knew Cas couldn't really make Dean leave if he didn't want to. He could yell and scream all day, but at the end of it, his words would be water on a stone. “Cas, don't tell me that all that in class has been totally made up.”

Cas squinted his eyes up at Dean, “I don't know what you are talking about.”

“Oh, come _on_ , Cas, you can't play the dumb blonde forever.”

“Stop” his voice was a little weaker. It was more pleading than commanding.

“Don't be afraid of us, Cas. Look, I'm not looking to make you my girlfriend or anything.”

“That's enough.” Cas put a hand out to push Dean away, but he refused to budge this time. Cas put both hands out and pushed, and Dean was surprised at his strength, but resisted with everything he had.

“Get out of my house!” Cas yelled right in his face, “Get out! I don't want you here! Student or not, I don't like to let my drunk mistakes linger around the morning after.”

Dean grabbed Cas' face in his hands and kissed him hard.

“Get-rff-mme” Cas growled against Dean's lips.

“You can't throw me out like last night's trash. I won't let you. I've been waiting too damn long for this.”

Finally, Cas managed to get his head away from Dean's. “Don't make any mistakes, Dean. I was drunk last night. Too drunk to make clear decisions. I probably had no concept of what I was doing from the moment I began speaking to you.

“You weren't that drunk, Cas. Even I can tell when someone's faking to a point.”

“I can't even remember last night! I'm relatively positive I was pretty intoxicated.”

“I didn't say you weren't, but you definitely weren't as drunk as you were pretending to be. Somewhere, deep down inside of you, you wanted this too. Forget everything they've told you, Cas. The first day of class when you saw me, you knew I was something more than those other kids. I've been through more than they could dream of. I'm not some punk ass kid, Cas. You know it. Somewhere deep inside of you, you've been wanting this to happen. You just never had an excuse to actually do it, and seeing me at the bar gave you an excuse. You were drunk, it wasn't your fault. Trust me, Cas. If you heard how you begged for it last night, you'd know.”

“Don't say things like that. You're disgusting.”

“It's true. You begged and begged me to fuck you. Fuck you so good...”

“That's repulsive! Stop!”

“It's true! Maybe you don't like who you are when you're drunk, but I do.” Dean dropped his hand and grabbed Cas' crotch.

“Dean! Stop!” Cas pushed Dean's hand away, but he went right at Cas' zipper, yanking it down. He got a hand in there before Cas could stop him, and once he was in, Cas melted right into his hand.

“Damn you, Dean Winchester.” Cas hissed, gripping the dresser behind him.

“See? I told you. You like it.” Dean leaned in close, coy smile spread wide across his face. He cupped Cas' balls in his hand, massaging them.

“I hate you.” Cas said.

“No, you don't. You hate that you like this so much.” Dean pressed himself up against Cas, snaking his hand inside of Cas' underwear to wrap his fingers around his dick, slowly jerking it until it was hard.

“Dean, please, stop. I'm begging you.”

“Are you? If you really want me to stop, say it right now. Tell me to stop.” Dean said, continuing to jerk him off as he stared him right in the eyes.

Cas' knuckles were white they gripped the dresser so hard. He had to press himself back against it to keep from going insane at Dean's hand on him. Other hand sneaking under his shirt to rub circles into his hip.

“I-I-” He tried and tried, but he could not force himself to do it. He threw his head back, groaning loudly.

“That's what I thought. You want me, Cas. Maybe even more than I want you. You like what I do to you. You love it.”

“Just shut up.” Cas snipped as he began to slightly thrust into Dean's hand. It was slow and gentle, but hot nonetheless.

Dean smiled at him, feeling his dick go fully erect in his hand. Dean's own penis was starting to come alive as well, getting harder with the sounds Cas was making.

“You like it when I jerk you off, huh?” Dean said.

“Ah, ah” Cas replied in succession with his thrusts.

“Yeah, you love it. Bet you'd like me to fuck you again. Good and hard this time. Show you what you missed last night.”

“No, Dean. Not today. We...we can't.” Cas breathed, voice barely coming out as he began thrusting harder into Dean's hand. Dean was hardly even moving his hand anymore. Cas was doing all the work.

“Look at you, fucking yourself into my hand. So desperate. You want it bad, Cas. Your mouth says no, but your dick says oh yes.”

“You need to leave. You need to go...go home...” it sounded as though Cas were struggling just to form full thoughts at that point. Right where Dean wanted him. He felt the small bit of pre-cum on Cas' tip. He was close. Perfect.

“Just say it, Cas. Say you want me to fuck you. Tell me you want me to fuck you hard in the pussy. Say that you want it hard. Say you want it raw.”

Cas gasped a few times as he came closer and closer.

“Just, just give me a few...seconds...”

Dean pulled his hand away, holding Cas still with the other.

“Ugh! Dean!” Cas groaned, blue eyes peeking out behind the slits of his eyelids.

“This isn't what you want. You want to get yourself off in my hand? Fine, but I wanna hear you say it. I want to hear you say that you would rather get a hand job than a good, full force fucking.”

“Dean.”

“Tell me what you want, baby.” Dean leaned in close, nibbling on his ear, wrapping his arms around Cas. Pressed together, he could feel Cas' hard-on, so ready to finish. So wanting.

“I want you.” Cas sighed into the air.

“I'm sorry?”

“I want you! I want you so much I grade your test papers last just so that your name doesn't distract me while I grade the others. I want you so bad...i-it's wrong how bad I want you. You're my student, Dean. Don't you get that? I'm your teacher. This breaks all of the rules and boundaries.”

“Fuck the rules. Sometimes they're meant to be broken.”

“Not these, Dean.” Cas leaned his forehead onto Dean's shoulder.

“Say it and I'll show you why you're wrong. You want me, I want you. Why let everyone else tell us we shouldn't be together? Just let us be together, Cas. I want you. I want you to say it, but I need to hear it from you. Tell me you want me too.”

“Yes” Cas nearly wept.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes! I want you, Dean Winchester. I want you to screw me into oblivion. I want you to convince me. I want you to ruin me. Destroy me. Make it hurt. Make me scream. Screw my brains out, Dean, but just do it, because I can't take it anymore. I can't take it in my head anymore. Just do it. Damn it, I want you to do it. Do me so hard I can't walk anymore. Do me so hard I can't move. Just do me.” Cas said, lifting his head off of Dean's shoulder, looking him in the face, “Just...do me already. Because if you don't, I'm going to finish what you started on my own.”

Dean smiled at him, hands already on his hips, he gripped Cas hard, spinning him around. He yanked Cas' jeans right off his hips, down to his knees, spread his legs as far as they would go, and pulled down his own pants. All of this within seconds, and then he slammed Cas into the dresser, using his hips to ram Cas into the drawers. The dresser jostled slightly, but held firm. Dean put his hands back on Cas' hips, gripping him tightly, and ramming into him, totally raw. Well, there was a small bit of pre-cum on his dick, but other than that, it was skin against skin.

“AH!” Cas nearly screamed bloody murder.

“Safe-word's assignment.” Dean growled into Cas' ear, before taking him and ramming him again and again, burying his dick deep into Cas' ass, pummeling his pelvis into his ass cheeks. Cas grabbed at the dresser for dear life as he changed back and forth from yelling and groaning at the top of his lungs to not making a sound at all. Dean hit him with everything he had, again and again and again. As hard and fast as he could. He could feel himself building, coming closer. He grabbed Cas and ripped him off the dresser, tackling him into the bed, smashing his face into the sheets. One hand on the small of his back to brace himself and the other gripping Cas' hip, Dean smack smack smacking into him, thrusting in all the way, sinking in deep. The bed rocked with their motion.

“Ah! Cas, I'm going to come!”

Cas was too preoccupied to care much as Dean gave one last great thrust and then came inside of Cas, gently pulsing against Cas as it spurted out.

Panting heavily, Dean pulled out of him. “Your turn” He told Cas.

“No. I'm done. I can't...” Cas refused, but Dean was already pulling him off the bed by his hips, pushing him up against the wall.

Dean watched the man's legs tremble, hardly able to hold his own weight up, he leaned against the wall for support. Dean sank down to his knees in front of Cas, meeting Cas' still throbbing and neglected dick. Cas' chest heaved in the air, hardly paying attention at all to Dean. He would just have to change that. Dean gently wrapped his fingers around Cas' base, pursing his lips around the tip.

“Ahhh...ah, Dean. Dean” Cas' brain was too scrambled to make any coherent thoughts, whatever came to him was what spilled out of his mouth as Dean took a portion of his length into his mouth, lapping at it with his tongue. He pulled back a little and then sank down on it a little farther. He stopped when it got to the back of his mouth. He pulled his mouth off with a loud _pop_ and Dean lathered the erection with his tongue, licking all up and down his shaft. Cas was barely able to hold himself together as he clung to the wall. Dean licked and sucked around it, suckling his balls for a bit as well before making his way back to the tip, teasing the slit with his tongue. One of Cas' hands dropped down to grip Dean's hair, which was almost too short to grab, but he found enough to hold on to. Dean pushed himself down onto Cas' dick, farther and farther. He had to pull back when it hit the back of his throat, taking a deep breath of air before going back down. Taking the whole length into his mouth and throat, Dean kissed the base, sucking at the pelvic area there before pulling back. The dick was salty and sweaty and the hairs tickled the inside of his mouth, but it was clean and he liked that. More than he could say for _some_ people...

Dean began to pull off of Cas' dick, pushing back down onto it, feeling Cas' hand pushing and pulling for guidance. He let Cas guide him on and off his dick, massaging it with his lips and teasing it with his tongue. Dean sank into a certain mode of auto-pilot where he didn't think about what he was doing, he just did it. He sucked and sucked until Cas was all but a trembling mess.  
“Dean” Cas kept gasping his name with every time Dean took him. Until, finally, he managed to say, “Dean, I'm coming” it was a breathy, exhausted sound when it came out of Cas' mouth. He'd barely been able to get the words out. Dean gripped the base and half jerked half sucked off Cas the last few pumps before he felt Cas cum in his mouth. He looked right up into Cas' eyes as he swallowed it all. Creating a tether of spit between his lips and Cas' penis as he pulled away, Dean stood to bring Cas over to the bed, since he was hardly even standing up at that point. He flopped Cas into the bed and then slithered up next to him, pulling Cas over to him, resting his head against his chest.

“What have you done to me?” Cas muttered, half asleep.

“I've set you free.”

Cas muttered something Dean didn't understand, before slowly falling asleep. Dean, for the first time, got to see Cas sleep. It was, in a way, beautiful. Dean had never noticed the signs of wear and age on his face, even though he was so young. Dean wondered who Cas really was. He'd just been introduced to this whole new side of Cas. He'd managed to seduce the man, twice. Once while sober. It was almost scary how easily Cas gave into him, though he wasn't complaining. He knew that both of them felt it. That connection they had. Whether either of them wanted to admit it, there was something there between them. Something undeniable. Dean didn't want to admit it, but it was almost impossible to resist Cas as well. Cas trying to force them apart only made him want to get to Cas more. When Cas said “no” it was like he was begging him to say yes. Dean knew when no meant no, but Cas never seemed to mean it. It was as though he wanted Dean to force him. If Dean forced him, it wouldn't be on Cas. And he could let it happen. Well, if Dean had to be a scapegoat to fuck Cas, he would do it. What could happen? _What could possibly go wrong?_

Dean wasn't sure when he'd let the grip of sleep take hold on him, only that when he woke up again, it didn't feel like morning. It felt like midday sunlight was pouring in through the blinds, and he'd missed breakfast by a few hours. His arm was wrapped around Cas' chest, with Cas' head snuggled into his shoulder. God, what was he doing? He could tell Cas that this was okay all he wanted, but was it? He was screwing his teacher. There were definitely rules against this. But it wasn't like Cas had instigated. Cas had tried to get away and Dean hadn't let him. This wasn't a normal situation. Dean had been sleeping with men older than Cas for who knew how long? This wasn't any different. Except that he had to see the man five days a week for an hour. That he had to pretend there was nothing between them, otherwise someone might suspect. Cas was right, though. He could, and would lose his job, if anyone found out. Dean didn't have so much to lose. He wasn't exactly Mr. Popular in the first place. He didn't much care what anyone thought about him. But a scandal like this on Cas could ruin his life. He'd never teach again, and as far as Dean could tell, he really loved his job. Maybe he should...

“Dean?” Cas voice surprised Dean, taking him out of his thoughts, “I'm going to hell for this.”

“Yeah, well, aren't we all.”

“I'm going to be fired.” Cas said, almost resigned this time, instead of angry or resentful.

“No, Cas. I won't let that happen.”

“You can't stop it.”

“I can. I won't tell anyone. And you won't tell anybody. Who will know?”

“People will know. They _always_ know.”

“We'll be smart about it.”

“You can't outsmart people when they have evidence.”

“Then we won't leave evidence.”

“You have to leave eventually. That's evidence enough.”

“They can't prove anything.”

“They don't have to. It would only take an accusation to get everyone on their side.”

“Well then what's to stop them from accusing one of us or both of us anyway?”

“Nothing, but why give them a reason to?”

“Because this is worth it.”

“Is it? We had sex twice in my bed. That's worth being killed over?”

“It was pretty good sex.”

“Don't patronize me, Dean.”

“I'm not. You're a good fuck.”

“Why must you speak that way?”

“I'm sorry, what do you want me to say? You screw excellently. Your ass is the Elysian fields for my dick. You-”

“That's enough.”

“I don't regret it, Cas. I don't. If you have to, then fine. But I won't ever look back on this and say that I made a mistake, or that we did something wrong. I've known this was coming since the first day I met you.”

“No, you've dreamed this was coming. There's a difference.”

“You can't honestly say all of that in class has never meant anything.”

“All of what?”

“The flirting. The innuendos. The double meaning remarks that we always share.”

“I was just trying to make you guys think I'm cool.”

“Number one, no you weren't. Number two, it's always been different between us. I'm surprised no one else saw this coming either. We practically flaunt it in their faces, and we weren't even dating then.”

“I wouldn't call this dating.”

“I'm not. I was just saying...”

“Look, Dean, this can't continue. It can't. I'm twenty two, going on twenty three. Pretty soon you'll be applying for college and I'll be looking for someone nice to settle down with. This is your time to be a teenager and have fun and party. That time has already passed by me. I can't take that away from you.”

“Says the guy I met at a club last night.”

“Just trying to hold onto that last little bit of youth in me, I suppose.”

“Cas, I'm not going to college. I'm not a normal teenager. I don't go to parties on Saturday. In fact, I only go to that stupid club about one or two Fridays or Saturdays a month. Once I get out of high school, I'm picking up a full time job and moving into my own place. I won't be living that crazy teenager period that everyone else will be.”

“Don't say that, Dean. Don't throw away your childhood in an attempt to grow up too early. You don't need to do all of that-”

“I do. Like I told you, Cas. I'm not a normal asshole in a desk in high school. I should've gotten my GED already and have gotten a job this year, but my Uncle thought I should have one last year of high school.”

“But, why? Don't you want to have fun while you can? Enjoy life now?”

“I haven't 'enjoyed life' since my mom died.”

“I'm so sorry, Dean. Losing a parent, it's...”

“It sucked, but it happened a long time ago.” Dean slipped his arm under his head, staring up at the ceiling.

“It's still terrible.”

“Yeah, well, shit happens.”

“You don't have to be like that. It's okay to be sad that you lost your mother.”

Dean took in a deep breath, “Yeah, I know. I just don't have time to be sad and lay in bed and cry.”

“Maybe you should make time.”

“That won't help anything. I have shit to take care of.”

“Like what?”

“You're asking a lot of questions for never wanting to see me again.”

“Why do you do that? I do my best to push you as far away from me as possible. I tried to kick you out of my house, and you wouldn't let me. Now, when I attempt to get close, you push me away. What do you want from me, Dean?”

“Can't we just have a friends with benefits type of relationship?”

“You know that never works. And we've already passed the one night stand stage. Where does that leave us?”

“I don't know.”

“You don't want to have a relationship, you don't want to stop seeing each other. You need to make a decision.”

“You make a decision.” Dean frumped.

“I did. You wouldn't accept it.”

Dean sighed, “Let's just not get into the whole personal life thing yet, okay? We can take it slow.”

“I don't think having sex twice within twenty four hours is taking it slow.”

“Well, maybe we should slow down. Take me on a date.”

“You know I can't do that.”

Dean groaned in frustration, “Why can't it just be easy? Like everyone else?”

“We could waste universes asking 'why can't'. It's just the way it is. Maybe in a hundred years the future generations will look on us and say 'What barbarians. They didn't even like gays!' and that will be the end of it. But now is now, and right now, we'd be burned at the stake.”

“Well, it's stupid.”

“Yes, but that doesn't change it.”

“So what? We just go off and pretend like this never happened?”

“That would be easiest.”

“I don't want easy. I want this.”

“Don't look now, Dean, but you just said what you want.”

“I know, but how can that work?”

“It can't.”

“It has too. Other people do it.”

“Other people aren't in our very peculiar circumstances.”

Dean shifted, looking down at Cas, “We'll find a way. We'll meet in dark alleys and talk in code over the phone and-”

“We're gay, Dean, not drug dealers.”

“Is there really a difference?”

“I'd like to think so. Look, Dean, we can try and do whatever. But if it doesn't work it doesn't work.”

“So, you will give us a try?”  
“Sure, Dean. Why not? But when I get fired and I can't support myself anymore, you have to find a really nice homeless shelter for me to live in.”

“Don't be so dramatic, Cas.”

“It's called being realistic.”

Dean's stomach growled, and he shifted slightly.

“You should go home.” Cas told him.

“I don't feel like it.”

“I know there's at least someone out there probably worried about where you are.”

“Nah.”

“I doubt that. Come on, Dean. It really is time for you to go. I'll see you on Monday.”

“Ugh. Don't say that so teacherly like.”

Cas huffed a laugh, and it made Dean so relieved to hear it. “Goodbye, Dean.” He said, standing up and fastening his pants around his waist.

Dean picked up the pile of his clothes Cas had gathered before he'd woken up that morning. He dressed, not wanting to face the world outside. He wished he could just stay there, in Cas' house forever. Where no one could tell him what he was doing was wrong. Where no one could say that they were sick or mentally ill or wrong. But he had to.

“Want me to call you a cab?” Cas asked.

Dean shook his head, “I'll be okay.” and without so much as a lingering look, Dean left Cas' house. He walked for a couple of blocks, until he decided he was far enough away to call Bobby.

“Dean, where the hell have you been? We've been worried sick...”

Dean sighed, he should've known. “I need you to come pick me up.”

Within the half hour Bobby's old, rusted truck was pulling up to the sidewalk next to him. Dean climbed in, hoping that maybe he would be graced with a silent ride home.

But as Bobby pulled away, the questions began, “You wanna tell me where you've been?”

Dean shrugged.

“You wanna tell me where your car is?”

“Club Supernova.” Dean muttered.

“Dammit, boy. One day you're going to get into something you can't get out of. You need to be careful, Dean. You're going to get yourself hurt, or worse.”

Dean didn't say anything.

“And I can't believe you'd do this to Sam. You know he's been so worried about you. The boy just found out his father is missing and you go and pull a stunt like this?”

“I get it, Bobby. Sam's upset. So I should've controlled myself. It's all about Sam. If we can just save him, everything else will have been worth it.”

“You know that's not what I meant, Dean. You better change your pissy pants and shape up when we get home, because you can't keep doing this. It's okay for you to be upset, Dean. It's not okay to disappear for days at a time without a word. It's not okay to keep calling me to pick you up from Christ knows where. It's not okay to use other people to forget about your problems.”

“If you want me to stop calling you I will.” Dean replied, glaring out the window.

“That's not the point, Dean. Look, I'd rather you call me than try and find your own way home. Okay? I just meant that every time you do this it takes a toll on all of us.”

“I got it Bobby.” Dean grumbled. He didn't need to be reminded that half the time his family relied solely on him. He already knew. Bobby dropped him off to his car, a sole survivor in an empty parking lot.By the time he got home, it was close to noon. Dean dug through the fridge, settling on a small bowl of left-over mac-n'-cheese to eat. He took it up to his room, and thankfully Bobby didn't say another word. Uncle Bobby was a good man. He was a good father figure for Sam, since Sam never seemed to get along with Dad. Even at his young age, it was hard for Sam to see why Dad did some of the things he did, and it angered him deeply. Bobby was better for him. Bobby understood. Heck, Dean would consider Bobby a better parent too, except that he had an unbreakable sense of loyalty to his father. No matter what the man did, Dean always knew that he had his reasons and that he needed Dean to stay by his side. So he did.

The hot water pouring out the shower head felt so good on Dean's shoulders and back. It relaxed every tense muscle in him. He hadn't realized how stressed he'd gotten. The hot shower was nearly orgasmic. When he got out, he barely made it to his bed before passing out.


	2. Announcement.

Dean slept the rest of the day away, managing to barely stumble out of bed all the next day as well. He ate something at some point. Wasn't really sure what it was or if it was supposed to be cold or hot, but he ate it.

At some point, he woke up to a screaming, which nearly scared the piss out of him before he realized it was Sam's alarm going off. No. It couldn't be Monday already? It had to be an accident. But when the alarm clicked off, he fell back asleep before being able to think about it further. That was, until Sam calling his name woke him up.

“Dean, it's time to wake up.” Sam called.

Dean groaned tiredly, “Wake me up at seven thirty.”

“I am.” Sam replied.

That jolted Dean to life. Crap. He'd slept down to the last minute. He pushed himself out of bed, threw on some clothes, grabbed his bag and a bag of chips on his way out the door to the Impala. Sam followed behind dutifully, climbing into the back.

It was only a twenty minute drive to school, but Sam liked to be dropped off early. Little nerd. Dean was so proud.

“Dean?” that 'innocent with a serious question' voice came from the backseat.

“What, Sam?”

“Do you think they'll find Dad?”

Dean was thrown back to Friday, when the two had gotten home from school, and heard the news. Bobby called them into the living room, piled with dusty books and peeling wallpaper and a saggy couch and one ancient, cracking desk. Bobby stood in front of them and broke the news that afternoon.

“Boys, I got word today from your dad's superiors.”

“Is he coming home?” Dean asked. He loved Uncle Bobby, but he missed his father a lot.

Bobby shook his head, “I'm afraid not. I'm so sorry boys, he's been kidnapped. They think that his unit got lost on a mission, but they can't make contact with them. They may have been taken by the taliban or some rogue group. They're looking for them, but so far they don't know much.”

The news hit the boys hard. Both of them. That was when Dean had grabbed his keys, his jacket, and taken off in the Impala, heading for Club Supernova.

“I don't know, Sam. I'm sure they will. He's a tough guy. He'll be alright.”

“Maybe he doesn't want to be found. You know, maybe he deserted or something-”

“Don't you dare say that, Sammy. Dad wouldn't abandon us.” Dean was frustrated with his father. That stupid man had to go and get himself kidnapped or taken or whatever. He just wanted to talk about something else. “You got any tests today?”

Sam shrugged, “Doesn't matter.”

“Course it does. We gotta get you smart so you can go to college.”

“We don't even have money to send me to college.” Sam sighed.

Dean had half a mind to slam on the brakes right there in the middle of the road.

“Who told you that?!”

“No one, I just know.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Well, you're not going to college!”

Dean almost laughed, “That's not why, Sammy. People like me, we're not meant for college. People like you, though, you're meant for college and all that other stuff. You're smart. And don't worry about the money. Just worry about your grades, and the colleges will practically throw money at you to go.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It's called scholarships. Trust me, Sam. You just worry about what you want to do. Let us worry about the rest.”

“Thanks, Dean.” Sam sighed.

Dean smiled at him, but he only half felt it. He was tired, tired of everything. He wasn't even sure what to expect when he pulled up to school. In his mind he pulled up and everyone would stare and whisper and they all somehow _knew_ what he'd done over the weekend. And then he would get called to the principal's office where Castiel would be crying because he was fired and then be taken away in handcuffs and Dean would see a couple of local news reports about his mysterious death and Dean would know it was all his fault. He dropped off Sam at his middle school and pulled into his spot in the parking lot of his high school a few minutes before the bell was set to ring. And there were no news reporters, no cops. He sucked in a deep breath. He just had to make it through the day. And the next, and the next. Graduation was only a couple of months away. He could do it, right?

As he walked up to the school, the bell rang, and no one stared at him as he joined the crowd flooding into the halls. No one whispered his name or stared at him from across the hall as he plopped down into his desk in the back of his first hour class. And no one even spoke to him, except for one guy who Dean thought was alright asked if he could borrow a lead pencil. Dean said no, but only because he didn't have one for himself, let alone extras.

“That's alright, man. Thanks anyway.”

The day seemed to fly by while lasting forever. He watched the clock tick down the seconds until sixth hour, and yet it was always a surprise when the bells rang to go to the next class.

 _Here we go_ , Dean thought to himself. As he approached the mythology classroom, he set his shoulders back, determined to act as though everything was right with the world and that he was okay. That his stomach wouldn't twist around in knots when he saw Cas-Castiel-Mr. Novak. _Dammit!_

“Dean? You're, uh, blocking the doorway.” some annoying girl...Stacey something, hawed from behind him. He glanced back at her, at least half a foot shorter than him, staring up at him as though she carried no capacity to take the extra two steps around him to get inside. But, it made him suck it up and step inside. “Mr. Novak” was digging through a drawer when he entered, and by the time he'd made it to his desk the bell was ringing.

“Good afternoon, class. Today we'll be moving on, into the South American tribes. Starting with the Inca culture, and Viracocha and Inti, two of their most beloved.” Cas stood up fully, putting up the first page of fill in the blank notes up on the projector screen. He glanced at Dean, and then dove right in to the Incas and their people and culture and gods and beliefs. Castiel had a love of history, ancient peoples, and their religions. Dean had no idea why, but he seemed to know a lot about all of them. A small voice in the back of his head hissed at him for putting Cas' job in jeopardy. Cas loved his job. He loved it and he was great at it. And Dean could've ruined it all for...well...really good sex. _Really good sex._

“You're going to have a small test on Friday,” Cas' voice broke through Dean's thoughts, mainly the word test, “because I'm only supposed to teach on this for a week, but I want you guys to learn this stuff, so it will be an easy test. I'll just be slowly cramming more and more into every lesson, but don't worry about it. Just the basics will be on it.”

The class sighed in relief. When Cas said one off _his_ tests were going to be easy, it would be. Questions like:

The sun god of the Incas was called:

A) Inti

B) Brad Pitt

C)Angelina Jolie

D)Not this one

It was one of Cas' best qualities. One of the reasons Dean had begun to really appreciate Cas for who he was, not just his really perky and bubbly ass. Or that gorgeous face that could melt stone. It was the way Cas cared. He knew more about teaching that the ones who had been doing it twice or even three times as long as him. Because Cas wanted to teach more than he wanted to show off his student's good grades or whatever. He-

“Mr. Winchester?”

Cas' voice broke him out of his thoughts of...Cas. Dean's attention snapped up to Cas, who was looking right at him, expectantly. Dean felt his cheeks growing hot. What in the hell was Cas doing? What was going on? Everyone was staring at him.

“Do you have an answer?” Cas pressed.

“Uh-I...no?”

“The answer is Viracocha. Next time, perhaps you should pay attention in my class.” and then Cas moved on to asking the next person in the row a question. He was quizzing them on the lesson they'd just learned. Well, Dean hadn't done much learning. He'd been too busy thinking of Cas and trying his hardest _not_ to think of being in bed with him or all the stuff that they shouldn't have been doing. He nearly sighed in relief when class ended. After that, it became easy. They were more careful, but it was relaxed. No one knew, and they would never know. Dean almost felt like everything was back to normal. He and Cas even spoke to each other. There was knowing look in their eyes, but it was just a normal conversation. And it ended and the world didn't explode. And it felt amazing. Dean even managed to forget, every once in a while, about his dad, still lost or kidnapped or taken hostage or who knew what'd happened to the man. Dean still got upset and even angry about it, but he found ways to distract himself. Even if that meant sneaking a little scotch from Bobby's stash when no one was looking. Just enough to get that burn going, put that euphoria into his system, and keep him going. Most nights it was never more than a shot glass or two. That Friday he let himself have a little more. It was Friday, the end of the week. He deserved a celebratory extra swig, sip, drink, whatever.

“I want to go camping.” Sam said during lunch the next day. Dean had fixed them each sandwiches and a couple bags of chips, and were sitting among the maze of old broken down cars that were part of Bobby's junkyard. As a mechanic, he collected all kinds of old junk cars that had no more use anymore. Dean was never sure why, but he had never asked. It was just a Bobby thing. And there was a maze of them behind his house. Sometimes Dean went out there when he needed to get away from everyone else. When he needed to be alone. But sometimes he and Sam went out there just to hang out.

“What?” Dean asked, mouth half full of sandwich. He shifted a little in the torn leather seat of the '98 Caprice. The steering wheel was just the basic frame, and it had no tires left on it.

“I want to go camping. You know, like when Uncle Bobby took us.”

“That was like, ten years ago.”

“Three, actually. And I had fun. I want to go camping again.” Sam took another bite of his sandwich. Totally set on the idea that camping would be totally fine.

“You're gonna have to talk to Bobby on that one, Sammy.”

“Well, if Uncle Bobby says yes, will you come with us?”

Dean shrugged, “Yeah, sure. Why not? I love sleeping on the cold hard ground and being bitten by bugs and getting Lyme Disease.”

“Shut up, Dean.” Sam laughed, and Dean laughed with him. There was nothing Dean loved more than these types of days with Sam. Just hanging out with his little brother. Pretending that the world and all of its problems didn't exist.

“I just thought, you know, with Dad gone, we could...”

“Don't talk like that. He's not _dead_.”

“You don't know that.”

Dean gaped at his little brother, “Sam, he's your father. Dont' talk like that.”

“I didn't say I wish he was dead, but they can't find him anywhere. He probably is dead.”

“Sometimes I feel like punching you in the face.”

“I want Dad to come home just as much as you do, Dean, but it's not practical.”

Dean nearly choked, “Jesus. I don't know who you learned that word from, because it sure as hell wasn't me. Listen, Dad is strong. He's made it through a lot. He can make it through this. He'll come back.”

“You really think so?”

“I know so. He's survived so much already, Sammy. This isn't going to be what does him in.”

Sam nodded, “Maybe you're right.”

“I am right.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Don't apologize, Sammy. You're gonna turn this into a damn chick-flick moment, and I might just slam my head in the door to make it stop.”

Sam giggled, and Dean looked at him. He was so much older than any other kid his age. He knew so much. So much pain and loss. Sometimes Dean caught him looking at a picture of Mom, and then getting frustrated before stuffing it back under Dean's pillow where he'd gotten it. Dean knew it angered him that he couldn't remember Mom's face, her voice, or anything about her. What could you really expect when she died when he was only six months old? Dean wondered whether it was worse to have lost your mother, or to have never had one at all. At least Dean had his memories of Mom. Warm hugs and tender love and having the crusts cut off his sandwiches. Or maybe that just made not having her around hurt more.

“It's getting cold.” Sam whined, hunkering down in his jacket as a wind picked up, blowing through the windowless car.

Dean nodded, “I agree. Let's go inside. Maybe Bobby still has some hot chocolate hidden in a cabinet or something.”

“Hot chocolate!” Sam exclaimed, racing inside.

Dean watched, knowing that Sam was ten times stronger than Dean could ever be. All he could do was help try to raise Sam so that he knew it too. He glanced back at the trash in the old car, and then decided he'd already taken two steps too many to go back for it, and left it there. It wasn't going anywhere.

He dug through each cabinet, some twice, for any remains of hot chocolate. Unfortunately, he found none.

“Maybe we can pick some up for the camping trip.” Dean told him.

“I hope so.” Sam said, quickly getting over the hot chocolate dilemma. When Bobby got back, he pitched the camping idea to him.

Bobby sat back in his desk chair, “I guess a camping trip could do you boys some good. A little too cold to go right now, but maybe in a couple of weekends we can go. Dean, you in?”

Dean shrugged, “I already told Sam I was, so I guess I have to be.”

“It's going to be fun. You just wait and see.” Sam told him. Then, like the little nerd he was, he went up stairs to work on a history project or something.

Dean threw a boxed lasagna in the oven for dinner, pacing around for something to do. He wondered, if he went out to Club Supernova, would he find Cas there? Would Cas be sitting at the bar, empty glass in hand, hoping not to see Dean? Or would it even be so bad to see Dean there again? Everything had been fine between them at school. Maybe they could see each other again. In private. In a dark alley, where they wouldn't be able to resist each other. Dean would rip that stupid button down right off Cas' chest, kissing him all over. Cas would get angry, fussing at him to stop. That someone might see, but Dean wouldn't care. He would only be concerned about getting his pants down to his knees, pressing him against the wall so he couldn't escape, and-

“Dean, you burnin' something'?” Bobby asked, shattering Dean's daydream and violently yanking him back down to earth and the real world, where the smell of burning lasagna was filling the room.

Dean jumped up, throwing open the oven, and grabbing the lasagna. Searing pain is what made him realize that he'd forgotten to use oven mitts, grabbing the pan with his bare hands.

“Ow! Shit! Goddamit!” He shook his hands out, hissing as though the oven would take the burns back.

“You alright, boy?” Bobby asked, not moving from his chair at the table.

“Fine. I'm fine.” Dean lied, snatching the mitts and quickly tossing the pan onto the counter before rushing over to the sink to run his hands under cold water.

“I wasn't asking about your hands.”

“Then what were you asking about, Bobby?” Dean didn't mean to snap the way he did, but he couldn't help it. His hands were on fire, and he was frustrated with himself. He took a quick step to the fridge, opening the top freezer part and jamming his hands into the ice bucket inside.

“I mean that I'm worried about you.” Bobby said, pulling off his staple trucker cap that almost never left his head unless he was about to sleep or about to have a serious conversation. Dean highly doubted he was about to take a power nap at the dinner table.

“Well, don't be. I'm fine.” Dean repeated himself.

“Look, your dad just went missing. It's okay to be upset or mad or-”

“For the fifth time already, I'm not upset or mad or whatever!” Dean shot back, “I'm tired of everything being about Dad. My life doesn't revolve around him.”

“Are you having other problems?”

“No! I'm not having any problems, except that you can't shake the thought that I have a problem! I'm sick of being treated like I'm twelve years old. I'm fine, Bobby. I really am. Why don't you ask Sam how he's doing?”

“Because Sam talks to me, Dean. You don't. I know you don't like to talk, and you seem really off lately, Dean. I mean, you haven't burned something out of a box since you were thirteen. And suddenly you're sitting right in front of it, letting it burn.”

“I got distracted, Bobby. What do you want me to say? That I burned the lasagna to spite the middle east? Those damn Taliban. I'll show them! I'll burn a lasagna!”

“What is going on in here?” Sam asked.

Dean realized how stupid he must look, yelling at Bobby over his shoulder, hands jammed inside the freezer, about lasagna.

“Nothing, Sam.”

“What smells burnt?” Sam asked.

“Just eat the lasagna dammit.” Dean grumbled, pulling his hands out of the freezer and stomping up the stairs. He found a burn cream in the bathroom cabinet, and put it on his hands. The burns weren't too bad. Nothing serious. Probably wouldn't even scar. He cursed Bobby for bringing up Dean's problems again. As though he hadn't made it clear in the truck that he didn't want to talk about this. Bobby meant well, but damn, enough was enough. He pulled out his phone, and didn't really know what he was looking for until he found it. He was pressing call before he could think to stop himself.

The phone rang once.

_Just hang up. This is stupid._

Rang twice.

_DO NOT LET IT RING AGAIN. HANG UP THE PHONE_

The third ring had just begun when he answered.

“Hello?”

“Cas” Dean sighed, like just the sound of his voice had sucked all the frustration through the phone right out of Dean.

“Dean? Is this you?”

“Yeah, uh,” Now that he was thinking again, he realized how truly horrible of an idea this was.

“I didn't you had my number.” Cas mused, as though it was a call from an old friend.

“I-I guess I must've gotten yours at some point in the club. Anyway-I...” what? He had no idea what he intended on saying next, and then it came to him, “I'm ready to take you on that date.”

“Dean, it's eight o'clock.”

“What are you, fifty? Come on, it's a Saturday!”

“And where do you think you're going to take me?”

“I dunno. You feelin' fancy or casual?”

“Even if I was, neither of us can afford anything considered 'fancy”

“I guess we're dining and dashing, then.”

“Is this really why you called me?”

“Yes, I guess. I don't know.” Dean's shoulders slumped. Standing there in the bathroom, he felt like a noob. A small child calling mommy because he was having a bad day. He just couldn't like to Cas, though. It pissed him off, but the truth just slipped out of him like diarrhea. He couldn't stop it and it hurt, and would probably end up ruining his pants and/or underwear in the long run.

“You got any cash?”

“Yeah, a little, bit.” Dean patted his pockets. Pulling out his wallet, and feeling relief when he actually found money inside.

“Call a cab, come over.”

“Really?”

“Sure, why not. I'm bored, and there's left-over pizza.”

“Sounds better than burnt lasagna.” Dean muttered.

“Excuse me?”

“Uh, nothing. It's nothing. Yeah, I'll be over in a bit.”

“Okay.” Cas said, and then hung up. Dean's heart was racing. Cas had just _invited him over_. What was happening? Granted, Dean knew not to question a good thing, so he told Bobby, who listened with a disapproving scowl, that he was going hang out with friends.

“Just don't do anythin' stupid.” Bobby huffed.

Dean was too excited to care. He called a cab and got in.

“Where you headed?” the driver asked as Dean climbed in the back.

Oh. He scrambled, realizing that he didn't have Cas' address at all. He whipped out his phone, “Just start driving towards the city, I'll let you know.” He went to call Cas, when he realized he'd already received a text message from Cas, with the address on it. He called it out to the driver and sat back. Dean was impressed. Cas thought of everything.

It was maybe a ten or fifteen minute drive, Dean really couldn't tell. He was too busy thinking about why he shouldn't be doing what he was doing. Why this was crazy and maybe the most insane thing he had done. He wasn't drunk, and neither was Cas. There were no excuses here. This was blatant, clear decision making. And Cas had decided to invite Dean over. But why? Wasn't he against all of this? Wasn't he Mr. responsible? Shouldn't he have reprimanded Dean for calling in the first place? Maybe Cas really did feel what Dean felt. That need, that want. Deep down, below everything else, that craving for each other.

When they arrived Dean's stomach was twisting and turning in knots. What would happen when he entered that house?

“That'll be thirty-five even.” the driver quoted.

Dean reluctantly paid the fee, thinking that it would be cheaper to buy a horse and ride _that_ over instead. He could feel his heart about to jump out of his chest as he rang the doorbell. His arm was still retreating back to his side when the door opened.

“Dean, come in.” Cas said, stepping back.

“Uh, okay.” Dean replied, entering the house.

Cas quickly shut the door behind him.

Dean realized that he was trying to prevent the neighbors from seeing Dean come in to his house. Right. Because Cas was paranoid like that.

“So, what were you doing before I called?” Dean asked.

Cas walked out in front of him, dressed in a pair of sweat pants and an old t-shirt. That was a look Dean could definitely get used to. “Just sitting on the couch, reading a book.” he turned to face Dean. “Would you like anything to eat? I have pizza...that's kind of it.”

Dean was going to refuse, but then his stomach growled. A sound very audible to everyone in the room. “Yeah, I'll take pizza.”

Cas smiled, heading into the attached kitchenette, offset to the right a little. The carpet turned to tile there, and Dean watched as Cas pulled open a tupperware container of pizza slices, placing two on a plate and sticking it in the microwave. Dean wanted to tell him that he only needed one, but his hunger took over.

“So, Cas,” Dean tried to find his words as he took a tiny step farther into the main room, couch facing right at him in the middle of the small room, “can I ask you something?”

“Sure” Cas replied, coming back halfway between the two rooms. He looked totally at ease.

“Why did you invite me over?”

“You called me, remember? You wanted to go on a date.”

“Yeah, but I didn't mean...you didn't have to invite me over...”

“I wanted to.”

Dean eyed the couch. Part of his brain was stuck on the stupid thing. It was just stuck there, in the middle of the room, facing the door, as though Cas sat there and watched the door, waiting for guests to come over. There was a small coffee table in front of it, and a cheap looking recliner chair next to it, but it was so odd. He felt like Cas had taken the exact set up from the furniture store and dropped it right into the middle of his house just like that.

“Dean, are you okay?” Cas asked.

Dean felt something deep inside of him snap, “Why the hell does everyone keep asking me that?!”

Cas stepped back, putting his hands up in surrender, “Whoa, Dean, calm down. I didn't mean to offend you.”

“Yeah, you and everyone else on this goddamn planet.”

To Dean's surprise, Cas came forward, right up to Dean, “You're pushing me away again. Don't push me away, Dean, let me help. I invited you over because you sounded distressed and I know that sometimes it's better to just get away from whatever is bothering you. I won't apologize for being concerned, though.”

Dean sighed, and he realized the same way he had taken over Cas, Cas had the exact same effect on him. Something came over Dean that left him no longer unhappy, but regretful.

“I'm sorry,” Dean hung his head, “I know you didn't know. I-”

The microwave beeped, throwing off his train of thought.

“Look,” Cas said, “let's sit down, relax for a bit, and then if you feel like discussing it we can. If you don't, not a big deal.”

“Thanks, Cas.”

Cas was gone and back with Dean's pizza, which smelled awesome, and a glass of water in a couple of seconds. Dean had taken a place on the couch, leaning his side against the arm rest. Cas sat sideways on the opposite end, facing Dean, knees halfway up with his arms lazily draped across them.

Dean took several bites of pizza, wishing there was a TV or something there in front of them, but there was not. So it was awkwardly silent. He took a gulp of water and looked at Cas, “So, how'd I do on my test?”

Cas rolled his eyes, “If you have to ask, probably not as well as you should have.”

Dean smiled, almost laughing. Almost. “You never know.”

“Dean Winchester, you're not using me to get better grades in class, are you?” Cas teased playfully.

“Aw, crap, you've found me out!” Dean pretend exclaimed.

“How rude. You're like a grade digger.”

Dean did laugh then, taking his plate of pizza and slipping off his boots, turning sideways on the couch to face Cas. He crossed his legs and set the plate down, taking another drink of water.

“Dean,” Cas' voice suddenly turned more serious, “can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Why'd you call?”

“What?”

“You asked me why I invited you over. Why'd you call me?”

Dean shrugged, “To be honest, I didn't mean to. It just sorta happened.”

Cas nodded, “So you accidentally called me and asked me out on a date?”

“Well, no...” Dean leaned forward, “I mean, I guess I kind of did. Well, I didn't accidentally ask you out, but I didn't even know I had your number.”

“Apparently some part of you did.”

“I guess you're right. I don't know, Bobby was on my case and I burned a stupid lasagna and I don't know. It sort of just happened.”

“Ah. That's what you meant by burnt lasagna. I was quite confused.”

“Oh, you heard that?”

“Yes. So you burned a lasagna and panicked?”

Dean shrugged, “No,but it just kind of was the tipping point I guess. I don't burn food.”

“You don't burn food? Who are you, Gordon Ramsey? It's a lasagna, Dean. It's not the end of times.” Cas scooted closer to Dean, “But I am glad that you called me.”

“Really? Why?” Dean asked, deciding to let the 'end of times' thing go, because that was just not something people said anymore.

“Because I want you to call me when you are having problems or feeling distressed or when you need someone to talk to. I want you to feel safe here, with me. I want you to know that you can approach me with your problems. That I am here for you.” he paused for a moment, and then asked, “Have I ever told you about why I became a teacher in the first place?”

Dean shrugged, “I just figured you liked it. You haven't always wanted to be a teacher?”

Cas gave a light laugh, shaking his head, “No, Dean, I haven't. In fact, I would've never considered being a teacher until I was fourteen.”

“Oh, well, you're right. Fourteen, you really had no direction for most of your life, huh?” He looked at Cas and saw the unamused look on his face, feeling bad immediately, “I'm sorry. Why fourteen?”

“I was fourteen when I told my parents that I was gay.”

Dean huffed, “Big move” he remarked. He didn't really know whether Bobby knew about him or not, or Sam, but his father sure as hell didn't.

Cas nodded, “It was. But, I thought 'we'll love you no matter what' encompassed everything. It didn't. They kicked me out.”

That felt like a punch to Dean's gut, “ _At fourteen?_ ”

Cas nodded, “I had no idea what to do, or where to go. I had no relatives that lived nearby, so I started walking. When a car pulled up to the sidewalk beside me, I thought I was going to get kidnapped or worse. But it was my English teacher. He was my favorite teacher, and we'd speak a lot in and out of the classroom. He offered to drive me home. Of course that wouldn't help me, so he drove me half an hour to my older brother Balthazar's house. He agreed to let me stay, but he wanted to send me to the public school near him, not my old school. I was crushed. I would have to leave everyone I knew overnight. And I would be going over from a small school of maybe a thousand students to a school of twice that much in just the single class. My teacher knew that if I made the change, I'd never make it. So he offered to drive me, every day, to and from school. It was a forty-five minute drive for him, and he made it every day until the day I graduated. I realized that the best thing I could do with my life was to make a difference in someone else's. Like him. I declared my major before I even started college, and it never changed, and I've never regretted it.” He looked up at Dean sheepishly, “Not even now.”

Dean sat there for a moment, soaking everything in. He would have never guessed...although he'd never taken time to think that Cas' life might not have been perfect. Dean wasn't sure what he'd do if Dad had kicked him out at fourteen.

“I'm sorry, Cas.”

“Don't be. Just, understand that I want to help you, Dean, not hurt you. I know I haven't done a very good job of that so far-”

“You've done a perfect job of it. I can only say, if you think that story was going to inspire me to become a teacher too, you've got another thing coming.”

Cas laughed, “I should hope not. I couldn't imagine you being a teacher. You'd quit the first day.” Cas laughed.

Dean started to get offended, and then said “Yeah, you're actually probably right.” and laughed with him.

“But, I didn't invite you over here to talk about me. So, do you want to talk about what was bothering you?” Cas pressed.

Dean shook his head, “No.” He scooted a little closer to Cas, their legs touching now, “But I know what we could do.”

“Now, Dean, that's not-” Cas was saying, but Dean's proximity cut him off, as he leaned closer and closer, until their faces were nearly touching. “Dean, you can't just make your problems go away by having sex.”

“No, but it helps. A lot...” Dean hummed, and then he was kissing Cas, and Cas was kissing back, reluctantly, though. Dean shifted onto his knees, the plate of pizza falling to the floor.

“Mmph, yr-mkn-n-mssh” Cas' voice muffled against his lips, his tongue seeking entrance but Cas wouldn't let him in.

Dean pulled back a little, “I'm sorry, what was that?”

“You're making a mess on my floor-ah!” Cas exclaimed as Dean attacked his throat, biting at it hard enough to leave a bruise. Cas fussed, but he didn't push back, which Dean took as an okay to keep going. He pushed Cas to lying down on the couch, legs moving around Dean to let him come closer. Dean reached up to hold Cas' face, but when he grabbed on, searing pain shot through his hand.

“Ow! Shit!” He gasped, shaking out the burning hand. He could see where the burn mark was still angry and red there.

“What happened?” Cas asked, looking at his hand, “Did you do that?”

“I told you, burnt lasagna.” Dean said, and then snatched Cas' mouth in his, tasting the pizza, and again that familiar sweet taste. He wanted to ask what it was, but he also didn't want to pause that long, so instead he told himself he'd remember to ask about it later and drew his tongue from Cas' mouth, and pushing up his shirt until it was all bunched up under his chin.

"I'm serious, Dean. You stain this couch, you buy it." Cas remarked when he got a moment of clarity.

"Okay, okay. I got it." Dean said, bobbing his head back down to lap at Cas' left nipple. Cas hissed as he took it in between his teeth.

"Unh, Dean,"

"Yeah yeah, I know, your couch." Dean said looking at the red and abused nipple. He reached out, shoving the coffee table out of the way. He then grabbed Cas and pulled him off, onto the floor.

"Ugh! Dean!" Cas exclaimed.

"What? Floor too dirty for you?"

Cas made a face, "Pizza"

"Pizza?" And then Dean remembered the discarded pizza he'd dropped onto the floor. Oh. He started to laugh, and Cas started to laugh as well. Dean had to rest his head on Cas' chest he laughed so hard.

"Well, now I need a shower." Cas chuckled, getting up as Dean moved out of the way. He stood, pulling his shirt all the way off.

Dean watched as he headed towards the bedroom, before turning around and asking "You coming?"

Dean got really excited then, rushing to follow Cas. In the bright yellow light of the bathroom, Dean took time to admire Cas as they undressed, hot steam slowly billowing out from behind the shower curtain. As Cas turned to step in, Dean's eyes immediately went straight to his butt, so round and perky. But then they caught something a little farther up. Just there, midway up the right side of Cas' back, a dark round little spot. A birthmark. He slid down his underwear and stepped into the shower behind him. Dean felt awkward at first. This was the first time he'd taken a shower with someone. Cas stood under the hot stream of water, letting it run over his shoulders, staring right up at Dean.

"I'm glad you came over tonight." he said quietly.

"Me too. And not just because of the sex." Dean added.

Cas chuckled lightly, and then took Dean by the shoulders, swapping them around. There wasn't a ton of room, but Dean didn't mind the proximity. Cas put Dean with his back under the spray, slowly sinking down and turning his attention towards Dean's half hard erection. He took it in his hand, gently massaging up and down it. Dean reached out for something to grab, settling on a small soap shelf. He grabbed onto it holding on as he got harder in Cas' hand.

"Ah, Cas-nnh" Dean panted, resisting the urge to thrust into Cas' hand. When Dean was fully hard, Cas kept his hand on his penis and ducked his head under, sucking his balls into his mouth.

"Oh, ah!" Dean had not been prepared for this. He was used to pleasuring Cas. This was a nice surprise. He liked it. A LOT. Cas moved back to his erection, taking it in his mouth and sucking on the tip, tongue teasing the slit. Dean held onto that soap shelf praying he didn't slip and fall. He was hot and wet and this was so erotic and he loved it.

Cas took half his length down in one swallow, coming back up when he couldn't take more. As he slowly ran his lips over Dean, a hand snaked up, poking at Dean's rim. Dean nearly fainted when he felt that finger up in there. Cas never paused, though, continuing his work on Dean's dick. He sucked and kissed and brought Dean close to heaven. Finger slowly prodding farther inside of Dean. Subconsciously Dean had spread his legs to allow Cas easier entrance.

"Mmm, Cas, that feels _so good_." Dean crooned, leaning his head back and letting the hot water soak his hair. His entire body tingled with energy.

Cas simply responded by taking his finger all the way in, grazing that sweet spot with it. Dean groaned when he found it, his voice louder and echoing in the small bathroom. Their passion was amplified by the room. It only made things that much better. Dean reached out, looking for something to grasp with his other hand, and found the shower curtain. He bunched it in his hand and held on, feeling it stretch as he pulled it in his hand.

Cas widened him up to two fingers, loosening his muscles, though he felt like every muscle in his body was so tense he might fall apart. He began timing his finger thrusts into Dean's prostate with when he bobbed his head down on his penis. It. Was. Amazing. Maybe the best blow job _Dean_ had ever had. And he had had a few in his life.

"Ah, Cas, Cas-" Dean's head was swimming so much he could hardly remember what he even wanted to tell Cas. But he knew he had to...had to...Dean put his hand down, gently pushing Cas off of him.

"Wait" he said.

Cas looked up at him, surprised.

"Come here." Dean reached down, guiding him up by his chin. He gave him a gentle kiss on his plump, wet lips, before grabbing him by the waist and hoisting him up, using his body to pin Cas against the wall. It was wet and slippery, but Dean hooked his pelvis under Cas to hold him there. Slowly, he let Cas slide down onto his dick. Cas gripped Dean's shoulders as he slid on.

"Ooohhh" Cas' head fell back, gently knocking against the tile wall.

"Mmm, you were so good to me. Imma make this so good for you." Dean hummed against his neck, licking the water off of him. Dean thrust up into Cas, rutting against him. Cas gasped along with it, digging his nails into Dean's shoulders, but it was so wet they kept sliding. Dean rubbed his body against Cas', smoothly sliding in and out. Cas lifted his head and bit at Dean's shoulder as he fucked into him. It wasn't long before Dean was having the orgasm of his life, cuming inside of Cas, and Cas was coming as well. The water washed everything away, and finally they managed to climb out of the shower. They dried each other off, something that was so violently domestic it scared Dean, and yet he liked it. He enjoyed feeling the small bumps and ridges of Cas' body under the towel, drying the water away.

They slunk to the bed, both of them almost too tired to make it. But as Cas slipped under the sheets and snuggled up against Dean, Dean realized that this was something he wanted to get used to. It was something outside his comfort zone that he wanted to be _in_ his comfort zone. He wanted it to be the most natural and regular thing for him. He wanted Cas more than just for the fact that Cas was good to fuck and gave GREAT blowjobs. And was incredible at fingering. And was sexy. Dean wanted to be able to call Cas when he had a problem. But was domestic life an option for them? After all, it wouldn't be possible for Dean to keep showing up to Cas' house without someone noticing them. And it was only a matter of time before _someone_ got suspicious. They could say they were roommates, but would people care what they would say? No. Besides, Dean had Sammy to worry about. And Bobby. He couldn't leave them behind for this. No matter how much he wanted it. He couldn't. Sammy needed him, especially when he got to college. Dean imagined that when Sam graduated high school and started college, Dean would be much like a work horse. He would work nonstop until his heart gave out. Hopefully he'd make enough before that to give Sam enough. But for now, why not? Why not pretend that this was allowed, that he could have this? Just until school ended and he could take on a full time job. Just until then, and then he and Cas would go their separate ways, understandably.

So he wrapped his arm a little tighter around Cas and let himself slip off into sleep.

The next morning he woke up to the smell of pancakes and french toast. It drew him out of the bedroom, after he'd slipped on his pants, and into the kitchen, where Cas was using a spatula to take a pancake out of a skillet.

"Cooking?" Dean asked.

Cas nearly jumped a foot in the air, putting a hand to his chest and huffing, "You scared me"

"Sorry. What's with all this?"

Cas turned towards Dean, "Well, I know that the last time you spent the night over here, you didn't go home on such good terms, so I wanted to attempt to amend it by making this time a little better.

Dean reached around Cas and snatched a still hot piece of French toast and shoving half of it in his mouth, "Consider it amended." He muttered through the cinnamon melt in your mouth goodness. "This is really good." He said.  
"Thank you." Cas replied, setting a plate of food in front of Dean.

Cas sat across from him, "Not to pry," Cas began, "but...don't you have family? You know, someone who's wondering where you are? Someone who would bury me in the ground if they found out about us?"

Dean shrugged, "I live with my Uncle, and he thinks I'm with friends, which is technically not wrong. And my Dad's overseas, so I don't think he cares much." Dean never stopped eating the entire time he talked, rarely making eye contact with Cas. It made him nervous to talk about this kind of thing with him.

Suddenly, a hand was placed over his, and a calm was sent through him. He looked up to see those electric blue eyes staring right into his sould.

"Dean, you don't have to be so anxious. I want to hear about your family. It's okay."

Dean nodded, "I know," he swallowed so he could speak clearly, "I'm just not used to talking about them. Nobody has ever really asked before, you know?"

Cas nodded, "I do. Unfortunately." Cas responded.

"Listen, I don't know how we're going to keep doing this, but I want to. I really do. Until...whenever."

Cas smiled, "That sounds like a good deal. Until whenever."

Dean didn't really want to go home that day, but when he did, Bobby seemed to be acting more normal. He wasn't all over Dean about how he was feeling and whatnot, and Dean got to sit around the house and dream of Cas in peace. Dean was amazed at how well Cas was handling their relationship. He'd been totally against it before, but he was easing into it so smoothly. That was, until two weeks later. It was a Wednesday, and when Dean walked into Mythology, he nearly turned around and walked right back out.

"Okay, guys, I graded your essays." Cas said, hair disheveled and his clothes were...well...his finely pressed pants were wrinkled and his button down was hardly in tact at that point. Dean was dying to pull him off to the side and ask him what the hell what was wrong. But he couldn't, so he had to just sit back and watch. In pain. For Cas.

"Um, Susan, Jeremy," Cas began giving back essays to people. "Tyler..."

"Mr. Novak, this isn't my essay." Susan pratically spat it at him, "it's Tyler's."

"Oh, I apologize." Cas said, reaching over to take it back.

Dean wanted to cry for him.

"Yeah, and this one is for Dean." Jeremy held up his.

Dean quickly leaned across a row of desks and snatched it from him to prevent Cas from having to look at him, because he was sure that if Cas looked at him then, he might just fall to pieces.

After Cas got the essays straight, class only got worse. He stuttered through the first several lines of notes, before accidentally clicking a button and pulling up a series of random menus on the projector.

"Mr. Novak, are you okay?" Susan asked, absolutely no concern in her voice whatsoever.

"Ah, yes, I think I'm coming down with something." He said, "Listen, just fill in the notes, and I'll go over them with you tomorrow. How does that sound?" Cas asked, taking a seat behind his desk. The class was silent, and it was the most agonizing hour any of them had ever suffered. When the bell finally rang, everyone breathed a very audible sigh of relief.

As everyone filed out, Dean pulled out his essay, walking up to Cas' desk, "Mr. Novak, can I talk to you for a minute about my essay? Because..." He drew out the question until the last student left, and then he quickly walked over and shut the door, returning back to Cas, whose head was in his hands, elbows resting on the desk.

"Cas, what's wrong?"

Cas sat there for a moment, silent, and then he looked up at Dean with tortured eyes, "Dean, you should walk out that door right now and don't look back. Don't turn around, and don't think about me ever again."

"Cas, what did we agree on? We are supposed to stop pushing each other away, remember?"

"This is different, Dean. I'm very serious about this."

"Whatever it is, Cas, just tell me. I can take it."

"Dean, I...I'm a carrier."

Dean wasn't sure how to respond to that.

"Do you know what that means?" Cas continued.

Dean nodded, "Yeah." He knew what it meant. Carriers were men who had the ability to have children. Or, really, to get pregnant. Their uterus was attached to the lowest part of the lower intestine. Some people laughed about it. Butt babies. Dean used to, until he learned that eighty two percent of babies didn't live childbirth, there was no funding to provide the practice of c-sections, and forty percent of parents didn't survive childbirth either. If they even made it that far. The world was secretly a vicious and cruel place, and it you could hide your homosexuality, but you can't hide a pregnancy eight months along. Some expectant fathers died under "suspicious or unknown circumstances or reasons" or simply went missing before they ever even got the chance to give birth. It happened less than it used to, but it wasn't so little that anyone would be considered safe. "So?"

"So, I just found out, because I've been having strange symptoms. I-Dean I think I may be pregnant." Cas blurted out.

That was a new wave that just nearly blew Dean over for a moment. He knew if he didn't take this calmly, that Cas would have a panic attack. It was up to him to be reasonable here. "Calm down, Cas. Do you know that you're pregnant?"

"No, I have an appointment scheduled for Saturday."

Dean nodded, "There's nothing to freak out about. You probably aren't. Even though you are a carrier, it's hard to conceive. We'll be fine. Do you want me to come with you Saturday?"

Cas sucked in a deep breath, "No, you don't need to. You're probably right. I'm probably overreacting."

"Cas, I want to come with you." Dean said. Even if Cas didn't need him there for moral support, people lurked around those places, looking for victims. He wanted to be there for Cas' physical safety.

"Okay" Cas nodded, breathing obviously slowing down a lot to a more calm rate.

"Okay. You're going to be fine." Dean assured him, taking Cas hand in his.

"Right." Cas said.


	3. Responsibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might seem a little slow, but things will pick up in the next chapter, I promise! 
> 
> *****NOTE******* This chapter does not reflect ANY political, personal, ethical, or moral values I may or may not have. It is written to reflect how I feel would be the actions and opinions of the characters from the show "Supernatural" and I apologize if anyone is offended or disagrees with the content of this chapter. I do not feel that it needs a "warning" per se, but may spark strong views some people may uphold about certain topics. It is just a story, and I only ask that you not leave any negative remarks or attempt to start any arguments in the comments. If it disagrees with you or vice versa, I apologize and you have no obligation to continue reading or to agree. I do not intend to touch any form of political agenda or controversial topic often, but it may occur again at some point. I have no intention of attempting to sway or convince anyone of anything, or to promote any specific views or beliefs. I promise, it's just a story, and I'm just a writer. Nothing more.
> 
> On another note I am moving next week so please please please forgive me if the update is late or I miss a week! Thank you guys, I love you all!

Dean stared at the white tile floor until his vision blurred. Leaning back in his chair, Dean spared a glance at Cas, who was sitting ramrod straight in the chair next to him. Coat folded in his lap, knee bouncing up and down so fast Dean couldn't keep his eyes on it. It felt like the longer Cas bounced his knee, the faster Dean's heart rate picked up. Finally, he had to clap his hand over Cas' knee, stopping it in its tracks.

"Calm down. Everything is going to be fine." Dean assured him. He hoped he was right. It'd been a nervewracking week since Cas had dropped the news, and while Dean wanted to believe his "everything will be fine and work out okay" thing, he didn't. He wasn't sure what was going to happen. He only knew that if he didn't hold it together, Cas might've bitten a bullet by now.

"Sorry, I'm just-"

"Nervous, I know." Dean took his hand off of Cas' leg, wrapping their hands together and giving Cas a few encouraging squeezes.

They had been waiting ten, fifteen, maybe even twenty or thirty minutes by then. Dean had really lost track of the time. It felt like they'd been in the cramped exam room for days. Dean had met Cas here earlier, what time? Who knew? Dean had met Cas in the parking lot and walked him into the small "Planned Fatherhood" attachment of a hospital two cities over from Sioux Falls. Planned Fatherhood was essentially the same thing as Planned Parenthood, except they only took care of expectant fathers. You could be checked for pregnancy, deliver your baby, or get an abortion, all in the same clinic. It was attached to a much larger, general hospital, but was a segment of its own. There wasn't exactly a surplus of doctors and nurses in the field of pregnancy in men, so even though there might only be a few people at that particular hospital, it may take a while to get anything done at all. Cas had given a urine sample so that they could run a pregnancy test, and they were just waiting for the results. Just waiting...

“Dean, I want you to know, if-“

“Stop, Cas.” Dean reached out and took his hand, “Everything will work out. It’s going to be okay.” _Bullshit_

Dean felt Cas jump when the door opened, and they both looked up at the doctor in curiosity.

“Castiel Novak,” The doctor read off a chart, “The results were positive. You are pregnant.”

Dean immediately looked to Cas. He wasn’t moving. Possibly not even breathing. He just sat there for a moment, before looking down at the floor, and then he put his head in his hands, “Oh no….” he groaned, and Dean could tell he was trying to hold back tears.

“We can schedule an abortion appointment today, or prescribe you prenatal vitamins-”

“Can you give us a minute?” Dean roared, on his feet in a split second, “He just found out, do you not see he needs some time? Get out.”

The doctor looked taken aback. He probably wasn’t used to being talked down to like that by patients, but then he seemed to size up Dean, and realized that in a fight, the man would certainly not be the winner. So he bit his tongue and left the room.

Dean sat back down, searching Cas for any signs of what to do next. What would they do next? Dean had known all along that this could happen, but…he’d never thought that it would actually happen. Dean knew they couldn’t stay there. He had to get Cas home. He had to…do _something_.

“Cas-”

“Just go, Dean.” Cas moaned.

“Cas, listen.”

“There’s nothing else to say, Dean. This is it. I’m done.”

“Come on, Cas. This is not as big of a deal as you’re making it…”

Cas looked up at Dean, tears in his eyes, and for the first time in a long time Dean felt a new crack form in his heart. Cas was just sitting there in front of him, broken, and he had done this. This was on him. He had to fix it.

“This can be taken care of. I mean, it’s your decision, but, Cas, there’s always…the other option.” Dean didn’t like the sound of that word. It made his stomach twist, and there was always so much controversy about it he was better off never letting it leave his mouth. But this was a real situation and it was a real solution to their problem.

Cas looked down for a moment, and then sat up a little, “No, you’re right. I-I’ll do it. I’ll just do that and then there will be nothing to worry about anymore.”

“See? No big deal. You’ll be fine. I can even drive you.”

Cas shook his head, “No, Dean. You don’t need to do that. I can take a taxi.”

“Come on, Cas. It’s not gonna be cheap. At least let me pick you up.”

Cas nodded, “Okay. But, Dean, this has to stop. I-I can’t do this again.”

“Okay.”

“No, Dean. I mean everything. All of this has to stop. Everything. You and me.” Cas looked up at Dean and he knew that Cas was being serious. And he was right. It did need to stop. But why did Dean’s heart ache when he thought of that? Of deleting Cas’ number from his phone. Of never seeing him again after graduation? He needed to man up. This probably was never going anywhere anyway. He needed to get real about what it was. And it was ending.

“You’re right. But I think you should let me pick you up. After that we never have to see each other outside of the classroom ever again.”

Cas nodded, “That would be best.”

Dean walked Cas back to his car, and watching him drive away, it was hard. But necessary. It felt wrong, even though Dean knew in the end it was the right thing to do. He told himself that all the way home.

On Monday Cas was put together as always, but distant. He didn’t look at Dean, and if he did glance at him, Dean wasn’t looking at him to notice. He hadn’t slept since Saturday. He had hardly eaten anything since…well…he couldn’t remember the last thing he’d eaten or when. There was a deep, bad, decaying feeling down in his gut that he couldn’t get rid of. He didn’t like it. He had too many problems of his own to feel that way. Maybe he was getting sick? Monday evening Cas texting him his appointment time. The bad feeling got worse. He jammed his phone in his pocket and crept down the stairs. Sam was already in bed, and Bobby probably wasn’t still up. He grabbed a bottle of whiskey out of Bobby’s liquor stash, and snuck out to an empty car in the junkyard. Snuggling down in the backseat, Dean pulled his coat tight around him and started drinking.

The next morning Dean’s head was pounding, and he _really_ felt like he might throw up, or pass out, or both. He just wanted to stay home. But how would he explain that to Bobby? So he pushed on to school and repeated the same cycle. Classes. Lunch. Sixth hour. Home. Pretend to be okay. Ten o’clock sneak out to the backseat of that old junk car where he’d hidden the whiskey. Drink until he couldn’t feel the cold bite his skin, or hear the voice in his head tell him how Cas was the best thing he never had, and he’d screwed it all up like everything else.

It was a shock when Saturday came again. It’d felt like just the day before they’d been at the doctor, and now sunlight was pouring through the window and Dean’s head hurt a little less. He stretched out on his bed. He glanced at his phone to check the time, frowning. Three seventeen? That couldn’t be right. Not that Dean had never slept that late, or later, but Cas’ “appointment” had been at, what, two forty five? It had to be over by then? He sat up, going to their text message conversation when his phone began to ring. It was an unknown number, and he figured it was someone calling for Cas.

“Hello?”

“Hi, I’m looking for a Dean Winchester?” A friendly female voice asked.

“Speaking.”

“Mr. Winchester, this is Amy from Planned Fatherhood. We are calling you because you were listed as an emergency contact for Castiel Novak. Is that correct?”

“I guess so.” Dean replied, going to his dresser to grab a pair of pants. Cas was going to flip his shit on Dean for being late. Oh well. Not like Dean needed to worry about that anymore…

“We just need to know if he wants to cancel his appointment, or if he’s going to be late.”

What? “Uh, no? He’s not there?” Dean froze, his heart starting to hammer in his chest. _Please, no_

“Mr. Novak did not show up for his appointment, no. We tried calling his personal contact number, but the line goes straight to voicemail.”

“Um, I’ll try him and see.”

“Thank you, sir. You have a nice day.”

Dean didn’t even care whether she hung up or not. He went flying through his room, grabbing pants and a shirt without looking at what he was grabbing, snatching his jacket, and bolting out the front door. He called Cas as he whipped the Impala down the driveway and onto the main road. Cas’ number went straight to voicemail.

“Come on, Cas. Answer your damn phone.” Dean grumbled as he called it again. No answer.

Dean continued to call it all the way to Cas’ house, all the while hoping that by some miracle Cas was just running late or had lost his phone or was stuck in traffic and his phone had died or something. _Anything_. Dean would take anything over what he feared he might see. It would’ve been so easy for anyone to follow them back from the doctor last Saturday. It would’ve been so easy to figure out that Cas was a carrier, to break into his house and… Dean shuddered, he couldn’t think it. He couldn’t. The Impala screeched to a halt in Cas’ driveway behind his little tan car. He threw it in park and jumped out, jogging to the front door. His heart stopped and his stomach fell to his feet. The door was ajar. He felt like just getting back in his car and driving home and pretending to be surprised when news of Cas’ death passed through the school. That would be easier than seeing…but what if Cas was still alive, and needed him? He pushed the door open, and found the room looking like a small tornado had hit it. Small couch pillows were strewn across the floor, the coffee table was overturned, and Cas’ duster coat was splayed across the couch. Dean took a slow step forward. The house was eerily quiet. Someone could still be waiting for Dean. Hiding out. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small pocket knife. It wouldn’t do much if someone had a gun, but it was worth something. He took another cautious step forward. The house remained still. One more step and he was even with the couch. Another step, and…

“Cas?” Dean dove to the floor, to where Cas was huddled against the couch, head on his knees and hands over his head. “Cas! Cas talk to me!” Dean begged as he pulled his hands away.

“Dean?” Cas looked up at Dean, and he could see no immediate damage, but that didn’t mean anything.

“Are you okay? What happened?”

Cas shook his head, “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, Dean. I’m so sorry.” Cas kept apologizing, and Dean realized he’d been crying.

“Cas, are you okay?” Dean asked.

Cas shook his head, “No-“

“Where are you hurt?” Dean couldn’t see any blood or any bruising, but maybe he’d scared off the attackers. Maybe they’d done it just to scare Cas.

“What?” Cas looked at him in confusion.

“Where are you hurt?”

“Dean, I’m not…what are you talking about?”

“You told me you weren’t okay. Where are you hurt. Did someone hurt you?”

Cas shook his head, “No, no, Dean, I-why are you here?”

“I got a call from planned parenthood. They said you didn’t make it there, and you weren’t answering your phone. I thought…”

“Dean, I’m not hurt. No one hurt me.” Cas shook his head again, “I screwed up. I didn’t go. I can’t go. I can’t do it, Dean. I’m sorry, but I can’t. This will ruin my life, probably get me killed, but I just can’t do it, Dean. I won’t.”

“Cas, I thought you had been attacked. I thought you were dead.”

“I’m sorry, Dean. I should’ve called you. I should’ve told you, but those damn people kept calling and I couldn’t take it, so I sort of threw my phone at the wall.” He looked over at the phone on the floor, “It stopped ringing. I think I broke it.”

Dean breathed a sigh of relief, “God, Cas, you scared the shit outta me.” He sat back, feeling lightheaded with relief. He could almost cry he was so relieved.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I really am. I tried to go, but when I opened the door, I just couldn’t do it.”

“Cas, I don’t care.” Dean huffed. He couldn’t even believe what he was hearing. Cas was apologizing for, what? Not getting an…not getting rid of the…ugh, everything that came to mind made Dean feel nauseated.

“What?”

“I don’t care that you didn’t go. It’s your choice, Cas. I’m not going to tell you what to do or what not to do. I thought you were dead, Cas. All I care about, is that you’re still alive.” He looked up at the ceiling for a moment, just thanking the universe that he hadn’t found Cas in a pool of his own blood or something horrible. Just thankful he was still talking to Cas, and Cas could talk back and he was okay.”

“You really thought I was dead?”

“Yes! You weren’t answering your phone and then I get here and your door is open and your living room looks like someone came in here and trashed the place!”

Cas wiped his tear stained cheeks, taking a few deep breaths, “I panicked.”

“You destroy your own house when you panic?”

Cas actually breathed a small laugh, “I guess so.” He ran a hand through his hair, “I’m sorry, Dean. I never meant to scare you. I never meant for any of this to happen.”

“I didn’t either. But we’re stuck with it now.”

“No, we’re not. I am. Dean, I’m still very serious. We shouldn’t see each other anymore. I can’t let you. You could be killed. I won’t put your life at risk for this.”

“It’s not your choice, Cas. I’m not abandoning you. You’re going to need all the help you can get. I’m staying, Cas. Whether you want me to or not.”

“You’re unbelievable.” Cas muttered.

“Yup, that’s me. Just, never do that to me again.”

“I will do my best to refrain.”

Dean stood, holding out his hand for Cas to take.

Cas looked at it for a moment, looked up at Dean, and then took it.

Dean pulled him to his feet, looking at the disaster of a room in front of them.

“You wanna explain?” Dean asked, gesturing to the mess.

Cas sighed, “I was on my way out the door, and I grabbed my jacket, and I don’t know. Something came over me. I couldn’t make myself do it. But I felt like I had to. I was so mad, I threw my jacket at the couch, and the pillows came after, and then I tripped over the coffee table.”

“Oh dear God.” Dean breathed, unable to even believe Cas could be telling him the truth. It had to be a joke, right?

“And then I tried making it to my room-“

“Please stop.”

“But I didn’t get there.”

“That was the worst story I’ve ever heard in my life. Please tell me you made it up just now.”

“I still think you shouldn’t be here. When people see me, they’re not going to be kind to me. Especially as I get further along. I don’t think you should subject yourself to that.”

“Cas, I’m not letting you go through this alone. If anything, it’s probably better for you that I stick around.”

“I already know that I can’t make you leave when you don’t want to, but Dean, don’t say that you’ll be here, and then back out when things get tough. Because there will be a time when it gets hard, and you will want to quit. And I won’t have this wanting to be a part of our life but not wanting to put in the hard work business. You’re here for it all or you’re not.”

“Cas, I promise that I won’t leave you. And if I do, you never have to let me see you or the baby again.” He forced the words out of his mouth. He had to face facts. He was going to be a father. He might as well get used to it now.

Cas smiled at the word baby, but only for a small second, “I’ll hold you to that.”

Dean nodded, “I hope you do.”

Cas leaned down and began picking up the scattered throw pillows. Dean put the coffee table back in place and hung his coat on the small wall hook by the door.

“Do you want me to stay? I can make dinner.”

“You can stay, but you probably can’t make dinner.” Cas replied, following Dean as he made his way to the kitchen.

“No faith? I’m not that bad of a-oh.” He stopped when he opened the fridge and found it nearly empty. There was a half quart of milk, three boiled eggs in a bowl, a jar of mayonnaise, and a pickle jar with one pickle in it. It was a particularly white and bleak looking fridge. Hell, even Bobby had more food than this.

“What exactly do you eat?” Dean asked.

Cas shrugged, “Kind of whatever I’ve got around.”

“Do you just hate food, or?”

“I’m not exactly wealthy, Dean.”

“Oh,” Dean realized Cas was on a teacher’s salary, and he knew Cas couldn’t keep eating like this if he were eating for two. “Well, do you have _anything_ else?”

Cas dug through the cabinets and they settled on a box of mac n’cheese. Cas sat down at the table, “I don’t know how I’m going to do this. I barely have enough money for food, plus I need pre-natal vitamins…not to mention when I lose my job.”

“Hey,” Dean stopped him, stirring the pot of boiling noodles, “don’t talk like that.”

“We have to talk about it sometime.”

“Well, there’s nothing we can do about it right now.” He strained the noodles and dumped the rest of the ingredients in. Thankfully Cas had found a stick of butter left on the fridge shelf. “I’ll start looking for a job. Maybe I can talk Bobby into letting me drop out or get my GED or something…”

“No, Dean.” Cas said sternly, “You need to finish your education.”

Dean sighed, “I need to get a good paying job.”

“Dean, it will be a long time after graduation before the baby comes. You’ll have plenty of time to get a job. You need to graduate. You’re so close now, it wouldn’t make sense to quit.”

“Okay, fine.” Dean brought over two bowls of steaming macaroni and cheese and plopped down at the table across from Cas.

Cas ate a few bites, and then paused, “Are you going to tell your family…about me?”

Dean huffed. “I have to, now.” He really didn’t like telling Bobby or Sam all about his personal life. He always feared that they would shun him or something. Although Bobby may or may not know about him, he didn’t exactly want to confirm any suspicions. And now it was definitely going to be a pretty big surprise. Then, he returned the question, “Are you?”

Cas shrugged, “Probably not.”  
Dean was taken back, “What, are you embarrassed of me?”

“No, no, nothing like that. I simply haven’t really spoken to anyone in my family in years. I really only keep in touch with one of my brothers, and it’s been a while since I’ve spoken to him as well.”

“Oh. Right. Well, I guess I can’t argue with you there.”

Cas took another bite, finishing his macaroni, and stood, “I have to go take a shower. You’re welcome to make yourself at home.” He gestured around the house. Dean assumed that meant he was not invited to take a shower with Cas. So he finished off the pot of noodles and then wandered around the apartment, opening cabinets and drawers. There wasn’t much to dig around through, though. If someone broke in while Cas wasn’t there, they wouldn’t really be able to tell what kind of person lived there. Or that a person really lived there at all. He ended up in the bedroom, pulling open dresser drawers and finding a few small stacks of clothes, underwear, socks, the usual. He was about to give up when he opened one drawer and sitting there, all by itself, was an old yearbook. Dean smiled, reaching down for it. He was just pulling open the front cover when Cas came out of the bathroom.

“Dean, what are you doing?” Cas asked, but before he could answer, Cas had come forward and found the yearbook in Dean’s hands. “What are you doing?” Cas snapped, snatching the book from Dean’s hands.

Dean felt like a little kid caught with his hands in the cookie jar. He was confused and scared, “What’s wrong?” Dean asked, “You said make yourself at home.”

“I said make yourself at home not go through my things.” Cas’ words cut into Dean’s heart like a switchblade through baby’s skin.

“I-I’m sorry, Cas. I didn’t mean to invade your personal space.” Dean wasn’t sure what to do, or what was about to happen. He’d never seen Cas so quickly pissed off like this.

Cas put the book in the drawer and slammed it shut, standing there for a moment before letting out a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. “I apologize, Dean. You didn’t deserve that.”

“What the hell was that, Cas?”

“Mood swings. I’m under a lot of stress right now, so it’s not helping the hormonal imbalance I’m going through with the pregnancy.” Cas muttered, a little frustrated with himself.

Dean still wasn’t used to talking about ‘pregnancy’ and ‘babies’ yet. It felt taboo to him. “It’s okay. I guess we’re going to have to get used to those pregnancy symptoms.” The word “pregnancy” felt like that time in the third grade when May Danner had tried to kiss Dean, and he’d thrown up in his mouth a little bit.

Cas nodded, “I’ll try to keep myself from snapping at you anymore. This is going to be hard enough on its own.”

“It’s okay, Cas. Really. We just need to get some sleep and recharge. It’s been a long day.

Cas yawned. “You’re right. Would you like to take a shower? I probably have a pair of sweatpants you could borrow…” Cas walked over to his dresser and pulled out a grey pair of sweats. Dean figured he might as well, and shut the door to the bathroom. This was different than the first time he’d been in there. It was strange, very domesticated. He got a chance to look at the room and the few tells about Cas that it had. A razor and shaving cream on the sink next to a toothbrush and toothpaste. In the shower there was a bottle of shampoo, which Dean didn’t feel right about using, and a small piece of soap left. He decided to just do a hot water shower and not use any of Cas’ already bare essentials. The hot water did nothing to relax Dean’s tense muscles, and it was only a short few minutes before he decided he was done.

Cas was leaning against the headboard with a book in his hand when Dean came out in the just slightly to small but not uncomfortable to wear sweatpants. He’d left his shirt off, not wanting to put on dirty clothes right after a shower. As he came around the other side of the bed, Cas slid a bookmark into the book and set it on his nightstand, snuggling down into the blankets as Dean crawled in next to him. When he flicked off the bedside lamp, he turned and pressed up against Dean’s chest. Dean wrapped his arm around Cas, their legs tangling together. Dean slept better that night than he had all week. Though he was afraid of what the future would bring, for the time being he could pretend like everything was okay. Despite Cas’ mood swings, he could still pretend life was normal. He didn’t have to worry about being a parent. Sure he’d still be getting a job, but it’d be as though he were doing it just to help out Cas. He needed to get a job anyway. But for the time being, he could just be happy that he had Cas in his arms, and that everything would be okay. He let himself relax and slip into a good sleep.

Until about five that morning, when he awoke to his phone ringing. He thought about just letting it go to voicemail, but when Cas began to stir, he decided to just go and get it before it woke up Cas completely. Padding barefoot into the bathroom, Dean dug the phone out of his jeans pocket, pressing answer as he made his way just outside the bedroom door. He recognized it was Bobby calling just as he answered.

“Bobby, listen, I meant to call…”

“Dean?” Sam’s voice asked in concern.

“Sammy? What are you doing up?”

“You just disappeared, and you never called to say where you were or anything. I was trying to wait up until you came home, but you never did.”

Dean leaned back against the wall, feeling like a piece of shit, “I’m okay, Sammy. One of my friends, he got in a car accident. He needed me to pick him up from the hospital and bring ‘em home. I stayed over to help take care of him.” Dean hated lying to Sammy, but he couldn’t just tell him right then. “I meant to call and tell you guys…I just…”

“Is he okay?” Sam asked.

Dean was amazed. Sam was always worried about people. People he didn’t even know and might never know. “Yeah, Sam, he’s fine. I’ll be home later, okay?”

“Okay” and then Dean hung up, walking back into the bedroom. Cas was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring down at the carpet.

“Sorry ‘bout that. Sam was worried about me-“ Dean was mid-sentence when Cas bolted straight to the bathroom, vomiting into the toilet. Dean raced in right behind him.

“Cas? Are you okay?”

Cas vomited a few more times, while Dean stood there panicking, unsure of what to do.

“Should I bring you anything? Are you sick?”

Cas wiped the sweat from his brow, shaking his head, “Morning sickness.” He said. “It’s another symptom of pregnancy.”

Dean felt his heart rate start to drop when he knew it was normal.

“Can you bring me a glass of water?” Cas asked.

Dean was in the kitchen and back as quick as he could. Cas had finally managed to stand back up, flushing the toilet and using the sink for support.

“How long do you have to do _that_?” Dean asked as Cas washed out his mouth.

“It depends. Sometimes a few weeks. Maybe a couple of months.”

Dean was struck. He hadn’t realized pregnancy was so awful. And he wasn’t even the one violently puking. “That sucks.”

Cas set down the glass and wandered back into the bedroom tiredly, “I’m going back to bed.” He half whispered.

Dean decided to crawl into bed with Cas for another couple of hours. At least until the sun came up. At around seven they were up again, and Cas did not have anything to make for breakfast except the boiled eggs. Dean decided to leave before Cas offered him any.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for breakfast?”

Dean put on his leather jacket, “I’ll just pick something up on the way home. You need to eat more than I do.”

Cas blushed a faint red, and bid Dean goodbye as he left. He drove straight home, tossing his keys and jacket on the table as he entered the kitchen. Bobby slunk in, coffee cup cemented to his hand.

“Look, Bobby-“

Bobby held up a hand to stop Dean, “You don’t need to explain yourself. Just tell me the truth. If you were in some sort of trouble, you’d tell me, right?” Bobby asked.

Dean’s gut twisted in a horrible way, “Yeah, Bobby. Of course I would.”

Bobby nodded, “That’s all I needed to hear. Go on to bed.” He said.

“Actually, I’m going to go and apply for jobs today.”

Bobby looked at Dean like he’d just told Bobby he was going put on a hula skirt and a coconut shell bra and change his name to “Rose” or some other obviously made-up exotic dancer name and perform for some guys in an alley for a couple bucks.

“You I’ll gladly hire you to work the garage for me…”

Dean shrugged, “I don’t want your money, Bobby. Start saving it. Sam’s got big dreams for college.”

“Boy, does he.” Bobby grumbled.

Dean took the pause to head upstairs and change into clean, better looking clothes. He hoped at least _someone_ would hire him. He tried not to wake up Sammy as he pulled a fresh pair of jeans from his dresser drawer, but unfortunately the kid had bionic hearing or something.

“Dean! You’re back!” Sam exclaimed in his hoarse, just woke up voice.

“Yeah, Sammy. See? Still alive and kickin’.” He tousled Sam’s hair, “Now go back to sleep.”

Sam did exactly that almost in the same exact moment his head hit the pillow.

Dean took a moment to admire his little brother. Pretty soon he’d have more than just Sammy to worry about screwing up, though. He tried to shake the thought out of his head as he changed and went back downstairs. By then the sun was solidly in the sky, warming up the cold night dew.

“I’ll be back in a bit. I promise.” Dean threw out as he left the house. Honestly, he could’ve sat on the couch for a couple of hours before going around job hunting, but he wanted to get busy. He didn’t want to give the bad thoughts in his head a chance to be noticed. He wanted to just do. Even if that meant putting on the fakest smile he could muster and pretending that he really wanted a job even though he didn’t and offering to work whatever hours he could even though he couldn’t because of school. First he stopped by a grocery store, who told him they weren’t hiring at the moment but they’d keep his application on file if he still wanted to turn one in. The second place was a fast food place with a loudmouth punk-ass kid for a manager that he could barely stomach talking to, much less work for. The third place, a gas station in between Bobby’s and Cas’, but closer to Cas’, was decent. The manager wasn’t exactly a winning personality, but they were looking for someone to hire and would be happy to let him fill out the application right there. Dean did his best, and after the guy reviewed it, he told Dean that if he were interested, he could start the next day. Dean agreed and told him he would. It was good enough. He could work late afternoon into the night, weekends, whatever.

His stomach was loudly growling by the time he made it back home.

“Dean!” Sam exclaimed as he threw together a sandwich in the kitchen, “Uncle Bobby said we can go camping _next weekend!_ ”

Dean wanted to kick himself. He’d absolutely forgotten about Sam’s camping trip. He’d been especially banking on Bobby saying no, or not this year, or something to get Dean out of it. But he had told them he would go if Bobby set a date, and now there was a date. What was he going to tell Cas? What was he going to tell his new boss at his job? Then, he realized how he could get out of this.

“Ah! Sam,” he said in a fake upset, “I don’t know if my boss will let me take off. I just got the job, you know?”

“You got a job?”

“Yup. Just got hired today. I start tomorrow.”

“But Dean, you promised!”

“I know, Sammy. And I’m sorry. If you’d have told me sooner. Maybe we can go sometime later this spring.”

Sam folded his arms stubbornly, “It’ll be too hot then.”

“Nah. Just a few more weeks for me to get right in my job, and then I can ask for off.”

“That’s okay, Dean. You don’t have to come.” He muttered, shoulders slumping as he did his best not to stomp off.

Dean felt so torn. He had so many conflicting responsibilities it was tearing him apart. He needed this job. If Sam had told him before he’d gone and gotten hired…Sam wouldn’t die if Dean missed one camping trip, right? They could go some other time. Maybe next year, when Dean would have a couple month old ba-oh. No. He wanted to hit something he was so frustrated. This was turning sour, quickly. He couldn’t keep his promises to Sam, and with this new thing starting with Cas, he wasn’t sure how much time he’d be able to give to Sam. Especially in the first few years. Cas deserved to be Dean’s priority, but Sam also needed him. He just needed everyone to stop relying on him so much. He needed Sam to have a pair of normal-ass parents who weren’t dead or M.I.A. and Cas needed to be not so pregnant. But that was his fault, and he needed to deal with it. He brought his sandwich up to his room and flopped down on the bed, sending a text to Cas.

Dean – 12:47

_Got hired today. Gas station couple miles away from ur house._

Cas – 12:47

_Congratulations! I’m highly impressed. What’s the name of the place?_

Dean – 12:48

_Gas n’ Sip. Theres a problem tho :(_

Cas – 12:49

_What’s the problem?_

Dean – 12:49

_I promised Sam I’d go camping next weekend. But I just got hired. :/_

Cas – 12:50

_Oh, that is an issue. Sam is your little brother, yes?_

Dean – 12:50

_Yes. What do i do?_

Cas 12:51

_It seems unfair to break your promise with Sam. Perhaps ask for the time off anyway?_

Dean – 12:51

_I need this job, tho_

Cas – 12:52

_Are there any other employees? Maybe they will switch shifts with you? You don’t need a job yet, Dean. Spend time with your little brother while you can._

Dean – 12:52

_I guess youre right. Thnx_

Cas didn’t respond after that. He wondered if maybe he were still feeling sick from that morning, or maybe he was trying to find scraps to make something for lunch. Dean remembered the sad, empty contents of Cas’ fridge and felt really bad about asking for off for a camping trip, but he also remembered Cas talking about his family and how he didn’t talk to any of them anymore. He didn’t want that to be him and Sam. He would just have to hope that his boss or the other employee there would be understanding and help him out. He brought his plate to the kitchen sink, rinsing it off before putting it back because he didn’t feel like actually washing it, and found Sam with his nose stuck in a text book in the living room. He didn’t even have the TV on.

“Man, do you do anything fun?” Dean asked.

Sam didn’t respond.

“Look, Sammy, I’m going to ask my boss if I can get off next weekend.” Dean told him.

Sam’s face lit up like Christmas morning, and he ran over and hugged Dean, “Thank you!”

Dean laughed at Sam’s enthusiasm, hugging him back. “Hey, I promised, didn’t I?” Now, there was just the problem of actually breaking the news to his family. And getting the next weekend off without getting fired. And the hundreds of other problems he was currently facing.


	4. Chapter 4: Time for a Camping Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean feels that it is time that Bobby and Sam met Cas, so he invites him on their family camping trip.

Dean straightened out his stupid red vest, making sure it was stupidly straight with the stupid blue polo under it. Thankfully he was still allowed to wear his jeans. There was no way in hell he was buying a pair of…khakis.

“So you’re going to ask if you can come camping, right?” Sam butted his head through the bathroom door.

“Sam, it’s my first day. Give me a few days. I’ll ask, I swear.” As he said it, Dean was already thinking of really good excuses why he wouldn’t, or just telling Sammy that he had and not actually do it. But the thought of telling the kid no and seeing that broken hearted puppy dog face killed him inside just enough to make him consider when would be a good time to ask.

As he drove the Impala into the parking lot of the Gas ‘n Sip, he had a fleeting moment of wanting to just call in sick. But he couldn’t. He had to do this. For Cas. He’d told Cas he would and he was going to. He forced himself out of the Impala and inside the gas station.

“Ah, Dean!” The manager gave him a curt wave as he came in, “Right on time. I like that.”

Dean had actually intended to be early, but…well…procrastination was a real time eater.

“Here’s your ID. You just use it to clock in and out and wear it on your shirt while you’re working.” He passed him a white card with Dean’s name on it with a clip attached. “The clock is over there outside my office.” 

Dean walked over to the small machine on the wall and slid his card through. It beeped at him and registered his time. He returned to the counter as his manager left. 

“Right. You know how to work a cash register?” 

Dean shrugged. He didn’t, but he didn’t want his new boss to know that. 

“If you have any questions, I’ll be in my office.” The man disappeared, and Dean plopped down onto a stool behind the counter. Only six more hours until he could go home. They refused to start him on a full time schedule until he was a little more “adjusted”. He’d have to do his best to try and “adjust” as quickly as possible, because he needed those hours. He also needed to ask for off. He also needed to tell Bobby about Cas. There was no way he could keep up his promises and hide this from Bobby. Eventually he’d figure something out. Plus, he hated to shut Bobby out. Bobby was always good to the both of them. He just needed to find the right way and time to tell him. Jesus. A lot of shit had piled onto him real quick. Dad went missing, he’d started a relationship with a teacher, was soon to be a fa…father, and he couldn’t even begin to worry about the actual pregnancy and everything that could and probably would happen from Cas getting beaten to death in the street to miscarriages to literally everything short of the hand of God himself coming down and literally plucking the thing from Cas’ belly. 

The day dragged on, but not too many people stopped that day, thankfully. Not too many idiots passed through, mostly just people trying to get to where they were going as quick as possible. No conversations, just a short ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’. When the day was over, he spared no time clocking out and ripping off that ugly-ass vest and getting out of there. He barely even paused to catch the name of the other employee coming in to take over the next shift. As he turned the key in the ignition, he pulled out his phone to find a missed call from Cas. He hit redial as he pulled out of the parking lot, heading in the direction of Cas’ house. 

“Hello?” a voice half whispered through the phone. 

“Cas? Are you alright?” 

“No…” he moaned, which turned into a small sob. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Cas went into a full blown bawl, “I’m just so frustrated! Today was your first day of work and I realized that I’m robbing you of your childhood!” he gasped for breath in between sobs, “This is all my fault! I’m sorry, Dean. I should have never done this to you. I’m so sorry…”

“Cas, are you drunk?” 

“No! Listen to me! Crying my eyes out as though I’m some sort of lunatic. This is so stupid!” Cas cried more. 

“Um, I’m on my way over right now. Just wait, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” Dean said, speeding up. 

“No! No! Don’t come here! You can’t see me like this! Go home to your family, Dean. They need you! Don’t let me take you away from them!” 

“Cas, you’re not. I want to come over.” 

“I shouldn’t have called you. I’m so sorry!” 

“Cas, can you calm down please?” 

“I want to…I just can’t stop crying!” 

Dean sighed in frustration, “I’ll be there in a minute.” And hung up before Cas could protest anymore. He wasn’t sure what in the hell was wrong with Cas, but it didn’t sound good. When he arrived at Cas’ house, he expected to find Cas a sobbing mess on the floor. Instead, he found the smell of something wonderful floating in from the kitchen. 

“Cas, are you-are you baking cinnamon rolls?” Dean asked in disbelief. 

Cas opened the oven, releasing an overwhelming smell of cinnamon and bread. Dean thought he might pass out right then and there from how heavenly it was. “I was craving something sweet, and cinnamon.” 

“Where did you get this?” 

“From the store.” He replied plainly. 

“You drove all the way to the store for cinnamon rolls?” 

Cas finished squeezing out frosting onto the last one, turning around to face Dean, “Yeah? How was your first day at work?” 

“Don’t try and change the subject.” Dean had to say because between the smell of the cinnamon rolls and Cas’ innocent gaze, he found it hard to stay on track himself. 

“I’m not. I genuinely want to know how your first day at your new job was.” Cas replied. 

“Cas, I know you’re an adult and all, but did you really have the money to just drive to the store for cinnamon rolls?” 

“I was hungry, Dean. It’s my money, I’ll buy what I want with it.” He snapped. 

Dean was taken aback. Who was he talking to? Hadn’t Cas been super sweet and innocent just a moment ago? “Whoa, Cas, calm down. I just meant-“ 

Cas sighed, shaking his head, “It’s not your fault Dean. It’s been like this all day. These mood swings have taken over, and I just can’t control them. I cried three times today. One of those times was because I looked outside and saw how pretty the sky was and it made me cry. Do you know what it’s like to cry because you saw the sky, Dean? It’s horribly annoying. I have no control over myself anymore. I throw up anything I eat before ten thirty, I cry at every little thing, and these cravings are brutal.” He crossed his arms over his chest, looking down at the ground. 

Dean stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Cas, letting him mold into his body, “It’s okay, Cas. This is normal. You’re gonna be fine.” Dean assured him, knowing that all of it was empty lies. He didn’t believe a word of what he was saying, because he didn’t know. He didn’t know if this was normal, and more likely than not, Cas would not be alright. But he had to tell Cas that. Because if he didn’t, then Cas just might fall apart, and then where would they be? 

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas pulled back, “Would you like a cinnamon roll?” 

Dean chuckled, “Sure, Cas.” 

They sat on the couch, each with a plate full of cinnamon bread and frosting goodness. 

“How do you stand it?” Dean asked, gesturing to the empty space in front of them. 

“Stand what?” Cas asked, taking a bite of his cinnamon roll. 

“Not having a TV here, or something. I mean, it’s so quiet. So awkward.” 

Cas shrugged, “Sometimes I like the quiet.” 

“You’re weird, man.” Dean shook his head, shoving half the roll in his mouth at once.

Cas made a face, “Yes, well, I’ll add a TV to the top of the shopping list. Right above diapers and pacifiers.” 

Dean was embarrassed that he hadn’t even thought of that stuff. He didn’t really expect the thing to live through birth, so he hadn’t really thought about buying baby supplies. But apparently, Cas had. “There’s a list already?” 

“Well, I suppose it’s not a physical thing, yet. It may be a bit too early to write one out, but I assume we’ll at least need the basics.” He looked over at Dean and Dean could tell that this was Cas’ way of keeping it together. Pretending that the possibility of death or complications didn’t even exist. Just carrying on as any other parent would. Dean feared that this was only going to raise Cas’ hopes and leave him worse off when the worst did happen. But he couldn’t take that away from Cas. He couldn’t tell him to get real, and that they probably wouldn’t need to shop for any baby supplies. That if this even made it past the first trimester, which it probably wouldn’t considering the high percent of miscarriages in male pregnancies, it wouldn’t carry full term or live through the birth. He knew he needed to say it, but he couldn’t force it to come out, So he shoved the other half of his cinnamon roll into his mouth, though it didn’t taste as good as the first bite. 

“Sir, can I talk to you?” Dean peeked his head through the door. 

“Sure, Dean. Come on in.” his boss signaled him in. A mess of papers spread across the desk, underneath a subway sandwich with several bites in it and lettuce and sauce spilling all over the place. “Please, sit.” 

Dean lowered himself into the chair. The past week and a half at this place had ranged from okay-ish to a living hell, but every evening when he went over to Cas’ for a few hours made it more worth it. “I need to talk to you about scheduling this weekend.” 

“I haven’t even planned that out yet,” the man on the other side of the desk replied, hair slightly askew and a scruffy little beard barely coming out his jawline, “how could you have a question about it?” 

“Well, I figured if I asked before you wrote it out, it might be easier…” 

The man raised his chin in understanding, looking back at Dean, “You want off.” 

Dean sighed, “Yes, sir. I know I just started, but…” 

“No worries, Dean. You’ve worked every day since you started here. I think you’ve earned at least one day off.” 

“Actually, uh, I need two days off. Saturday and Sunday.” 

The man considered it for a moment, “You’re twisting my arm here, but yeah, I’ll give it to ya.”

Dean sighed in relief, “Thank you, sir.” 

“No problem. Just keep being the hard worker that you are and I might let you have another one in a few months!” 

Dean pretended to laugh for the sake of not wanting his boss to take his weekend back. He clocked out for the night and made the drive to Cas’ house. 

The next day he went straight home from work because he knew it was time. It was time to tell Bobby about Cas. He’d been making up excuses for why he was coming home so late every night, but Bobby somehow knew better. He never really pressed anything, but Dean knew he was worried. 

He found Bobby plopped in his recliner chair, beer in hand, watching the TV. 

“Uh, Bobby, can I talk to you?” 

Bobby sat up, setting his beer to the side, glancing over at Sam. 

“Sam, go upstairs. Bobby and I need to talk.” 

Sam huffed but quickly slunk away. Dean listened as his footsteps stomped up the stairs, before turning to Bobby. 

“It’s about this year’s taxes. I think that we could get a better tax return, if you sort out your penalties first. 

“What are you-“ 

Dean held a finger to his lips in a shushing motion, listening as Sam quietly climbed the rest of the steps from his eavesdropping spot. “Kid always tries to listen in.” 

Bobby leaned forward slightly, “What is this about, Dean?” 

“Do you remember when you said that I could come to you if I was in trouble?” 

“Of course.” Bobby replied. 

“Well, this is me coming to you.” 

Bobby clapped his hands on his knees, “Are you on drugs?” 

“What?” Dean was taken aback by the accusation, “No!” 

“Selling drugs? Owe somebody a lotta money?” 

“No, no, no. Nothing like that.” 

Bobby continued, “Well, what then? Did you get a girl pregnant?” 

Dean paused to consider whether that was a “yes” or “no”, but the pause was too long and Bobby caught on, figuring things out on his own. 

“Aw, Dean, really? Of all the stupid things that could’ve been prevented, this?” 

“Well, Bobby, that’s not exactly it…”

“Well what then? That’s all that’s left! If you’re not telling me that you got somebody pregnant…” 

“No, Bobby.” Dean stopped him, “I mean I didn’t get a girl pregnant.” Dean said. 

He watched as Bobby’s face changed with the realization of what he meant. Bobby sunk back into his chair, finally bringing himself to look back at Dean, “Are you serious? You sure you’re not on drugs?” 

“Bobby, I wish I wasn’t being serious, but I am. I... I’m gay.” Dean saying it out loud to Bobby crossed every boundary, every rule he’d worked so hard to keep uncrossed and secret. “And I got another man pregnant.” 

Bobby simply sat there, unspeaking for a bit. Dean got worried that he’d killed the man in shock, but occasionally he moved a little. Finally, he looked back at Dean, “Does the other boy’s parents know?” . 

Dean shook his head, “That’s the other thing…”

“The other thing? What other thing, Dean? What else could there be?” 

Dean really hated to say this part. He knew Bobby was going to flip out and lose it and this was the point that he would never look at Dean the same way again, ever. “Bobby, it’s not another student. I…I got my teacher pregnant.” 

Bobby’s face turned from white to flaming red, “What?! Which one? Which one of those pricks did this? I want to know. I’m calling the school, right now!” he flew out of his chair, looking around like he might destroy everything in sight. 

“Bobby! Bobby, calm down. I did this. It was all me.” 

“Dean, he’s your teacher. It would be his fault no matter what! What kind of a sick man would-“ 

“Bobby, it’s both our faults. I pushed him into it. He didn’t want to, but I made him. I sorta got him drunk, and…” 

“Dean, did you even think before you did this? What kind of consequences this would have? What were you thinking?” 

“I wasn’t, Bobby. I didn’t think…” Dean sighed, his heart was racing and he felt like he might throw up. A faint part of him wondered if maybe this was how Cas felt all day now. 

“Tell me who he is.” 

“I’m not going to let you do anything to him.” 

“Dean, this is so backwards and wrong.” 

“Then I’m wrong too! But I’ll tell you, Bobby, when I’m with him it’s not all about Dad missing and Sam’s college fund we haven’t even started yet and all this other crap, and for just a little while I’m with someone who gives a real crap.” 

“Dean, you know I care about both you boys-“ 

“Not like that, Bobby. It’s not….it’s different.” Dean sighed, running a hand through his hair, “I can’t explain it to you, Bobby. You wouldn’t understand.” 

“I just don’t want you to get hurt, Dean.” 

“You can’t make me be perfect, Bobby. I can’t be the perfect little soldier all the time.” 

“You don’t have to be perfect-” 

“You’re right, I don’t. I’ve made a mistake, but I’m going to make it right, and you can either choose to be a part of that, or not.” 

Bobby shook his head, “You know you gotta tell Sam, right?” 

“I know. I’ll go tell him.” Dean muttered. He didn’t feel comfortable sharing this with Sam. Sammy looked up to him, and the thought of letting his little brother down…it ripped him apart inside. His footsteps were heavy against the old wooden stairs as he thumped his way up the stairs. Slowly, he approached their shared bedroom. Sam was sitting on the bed, a notebook spread out in front of him. 

“Sam, I need to talk to you for a minute.” Dean hesitated, hoping maybe Sam would say “not now” or “I’m studying”. Anything to give him an excuse not to do this. 

“What’s up?” Sam perked his fluffy brown head up from the scrawl on the notebook page. 

Dean stood in front of him, feeling exposed, “I don’t know if…What do you know about dating?” 

“Dating?” Sam’s face scrunched up in curiosity. 

Dean sighed. He didn’t know where he was going with this. He had no idea how to tell Sam. He had to physically stop himself from just walking out the door and leaving because he hated talking about himself, much less about something like this. “Sam,” he sat down next to Sam on the bed, “There are relationships between guys and girls. And then there are some girls who date other girls, and some guys-“ 

“Dean, if you’re about to come out of the closet to me, you don’t have to worry. I already know.” 

Dean nearly fell off the bed, “WH-How do you know about that?!” 

“Dean, we lived out of the Impala and motel rooms for three years. It’s kind of hard to hide anything. Plus, you’re not that good at hiding it as you think.” 

“Why, why haven’t you ever said anything?” 

Sam shrugged, pushing the notebook off his lap, “I figured when you wanted me to know you’d tell me.” 

Dean sat on that for a moment, considering that this whole time that he’d been giving Sam bullshit excuses and doing his best to skirt around everyone’s questions and being so afraid that Sam would think less of him if he knew…and Sam had known all along. Sam had known, since Dean first started dating dudes. He remembered that time, when Dad refused to swallow his pride and leave them with a friend, he had dragged them all over the country living out of the Impala and motel rooms, jumping from school to school as he jumped from job to job and liquor store to liquor store. It had been a hard time in Dean’s life, probably for Sam too. Sometimes Dad wouldn’t come back at night and he would have to hustle money for dinner or scrape something together like mac’n cheese and marshmallows. And come to think of it, he had mainly been focused on keeping it a secret from Dad, not so much from Sam. 

Dean looked back at Sam, and his heart still constricted at the thought of saying that next part. “Okay, so you know about same sex relationships. What do you know about male pregnancy?” 

Sam shrugged, “I know it happens. That’s what all the Planned Fatherhoods are for. I know that a lot of times people don’t live through it…” he shrugged again, looking up at Dean in concern. 

“Sam, I have this friend, and he’s pregnant.” 

“Okay.” 

“I’m the father." 

Sam’s eyes grew wide, “Seriously?” 

Dean sucked in a deep breath for the disappointment, the disgust, the- 

“That’s so cool! I’m gonna be an uncle!” 

Dean nearly choked and laughed at the same time. He didn’t know what to say to this response. “Heh, yeah, Sammy. Maybe.” There was that voice again, in the back of his head, always there to remind him of the dangers. Murder, complications, bleeding out… 

“Do we get to meet him?” 

Dean didn’t want to answer that next question. He wished he had before Sam cut in, “Bring him on the camping trip!” 

“Whoa! Wait, Sammy, I don’t think that’d be a good idea.” Dean told his way to psyched out little brother. 

“Why not?” 

“Beeeecaaauuuse it’s a family trip. It’s supposed to be just you me and Bobby.” 

“But, if you are having a baby with him, he’s family too. Unless, you are going to stay with him, right?” 

Such vindictive accusation coming from such a small fluff of brown hair made Dean feel like he wasn’t even really having that conversation anymore. He couldn’t handle the level of odd that it had come to. 

“Yes, Sam. I’m going to stay with him.” 

“Are you gonna marry him?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“You should.” 

“Why?” 

Sam looked away for a moment with a shrug, and then looked back at him, through him, “You slept with him, you obviously like him. Don’t you remember what it’s been like growing up without Mom?” 

“Yeah, but Sam, I’m nothing like Mom. That’s totally different.” 

“Dean, she died when I was six months old. I wouldn’t know if you were anything like Mom or not.” 

“Yeah, but…” 

“Dean, Dad’s been struggling his whole life to raise us by himself. And my whole life I’ve only had Dad and you. Don’t make some other kid grow up with only one parent.” 

“Alright, alright. I didn’t say I wasn’t going to marry him, jeez. It’s just…It’s not that easy.” 

“Nothing ever is, Dean.” Sam responded. 

“Damn, Sammy, when did you become Gandhi?” 

“I don’t know who that is.” 

“Christ,” Dean muttered, “what school are we sending you to?” he stood up, sighing a breath of relief, “Okay, go back to your book report or whatever. That’s all.” 

“Does Bobby know yet?” 

“What are you, my mother? Yes, Bobby knows.” 

“And you’re bringing him on the camping trip?” 

“I have to ask him first.” 

Sam gave him a ‘don’t shit me about this Dean’ look. 

“We’ll see, Sam. I will ask him, but he’s not really a camping type of person.” He shut the bedroom door and returned back downstairs, where Bobby had gone through half a beer and was staring blankly at the TV. Dean knew he wasn’t really watching it because it was on that infomercial about hair chalk and he always turned the channel when that one came on because he hated it. 

He barely gave Dean a passing glance as Dean sat on the couch near Bobby’s old rocker recliner that was tattered and falling apart he was waiting for the day when it collapsed on him. 

“How’d it go?” Bobby asked. 

“Surprisingly well.” Dean breathed a laugh, “Went a little too well. He suggested I bring him on the camping trip.” 

He waited for Bobby to laugh along. Bobby did not. He looked over, waiting expectantly, but Bobby took a slow sip of his beer, and then said, “Not a bad idea.” 

“What? No, I mean, I told him it was a bad idea. I didn’t mean.” 

“Look, we’re gonna have to meet him at some point anyway, right? Bring him along. Why not?” Bobby grumbled. 

“I, I mean I don’t think he’d go for it…” 

Bobby gave him a piercing stare, and then returned to the preteen girls dancing around with chalk and glitter in their hair. What had Dean done? 

The next day was Thursday and Dean had backed himself into a corner. Both Sam and Bobby were expecting him to invite Cas on this camping trip, and though it would be easy for him to just lie and say that Cas had said ‘no’, he hated lying to them more than he already had. Plus, Cas would probably actually say no anyway. ‘It’s just so last minute. I don’t think I’ll be able to make it.’ Dean would relay the words back to Sam and Bobby and they would hopefully have an otherwise quiet weekend to themselves and on Sunday evening Dean would secretly sneak off to see Cas and tell him all the boring mundane details about the trip like how he almost pushed Sam into the river but he knew it was still too cold so instead he faked it and caught him and how Bobby wanted to be mad but was laughing too hard and how Sam ate like half the bag of marshmallows but Dean ate six of the eight hot dogs so it evened out. And then Cas would scold Dean for eating so much on the trip and Dean would feel bad for maybe a half a second and then laugh about it. 

“That sounds like a really good idea. It’s a neutral ground, and I can bring my own tent and everything.” 

Dean was floored. He hadn’t even had time to stop half-heartedly laughing at Sam’s suggestion that Cas come camping with them when Cas had come back with the more than willing response. 

“Wait, wh-what?” 

“I think it’s time I met your family, Dean.” Cas turned to him, from scrubbing dishes, “It’s been a long time since I’ve been camping, and probably the last time I’ll go for a couple of years at least. I can meet your family, and they can meet me, and maybe it will be fun.” 

“But, it’s so short notice. Don’t you have lesson plans to write or something?” 

Cas shrugged, “I’m ahead on all of that. Just finished grading papers, good job by the way, so no.” 

Dean was shocked at how simply content he was with this surprise camping trip. 

“Are you sure? I mean, it’s a lot of hiking and it’s gonna be pretty cold up there.” 

“Dean, it’s starting to sound like you don’t want me to go?” Cas looked up at him with those inquisitive blue eyes that said that he knew that was exactly what Dean was saying. 

“No, I just didn’t think you’d say yes. I guess I can pick you up from here Friday afternoon.” 

“I’m assuming, then, that your boss let you off for the weekend?” He turned, drying his hands with a dish towel. 

Dean nodded, “Yeah. He said I’ve got a lot of overtime, so it’s no big deal.” 

“See? All you had to do was ask.” He tossed the towel back onto the counter near the sink, wrapping his arms around Dean’s neck, “Let’s go sit on the couch.” 

Dean was still tense, until Cas turned on the lamp on the table next to the couch and picked up the book sitting there, a little torn receipt from the supermarket sticking out as a bookmark. As he sank down into the couch next to him and Cas patted his lap welcomingly and Dean laid his head on Cas’ lap and he ran his fingers through Dean’s hair, then Dean started to relax. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad at all. Maybe they would all have a nice weekend and everything would be okay. Maybe…

The old truck screeched as it pulled to a halt in Cas’ uphill driveway. Dean threw on the parking brake and jumped out, hugging his jacket around him as he made his way to the front door. An unexpected cold front had passed through, making the temperatures drop just enough to put a bite in the air. 

“Dean, what is that?” Cas asked, poking his head out the door. He was wrapped in a steel-blue turtle neck and sweatpants. Dean loved it when Cas wore sweatpants. They clung in all the right places. 

“A truck.” 

“Why?” 

“Impala is having some transmission issues.” 

“I’m sure my neighbors won’t think it’s suspicious if I constantly have strange cars showing up in my driveway. No, definitely not.” Cas muttered as Dean pushed his way into the house. He saw a small pile of bags next to the couch. 

“That it?” he asked. 

“A tent, some blankets, clothes…I am only one person, Dean.” Cas smirked. 

Dean hefted the bags onto his shoulders, “Okay, let’s go.” 

Cas grabbed his duster off the hook next to the front door, shrugging it on as he found the right key on his key ring and locking the door behind them. 

The doors creaked as they pulled them shut, and Dean turned on the engine as quickly as he could to get some heat going to his freezing hands. 

“It wasn’t supposed to be so cold this weekend. I hope I packed warmly enough.” Cas noted. 

“Yeah, I know. Sam picked a helluva weekend to go camping. You can still back out. I can still tell Bobby and Sam that you were sick.” 

Cas shook his head, “Just start driving.” 

Dean sighed. He could feel himself sinking into a bad situation that everyone around him kept pushing towards. 

They were mostly quiet on the drive up the mountain. It was a winding road filled with sharp turns and drop offs that made your stomach flop. They wouldn’t go all the way up, just about halfway to a popular camping spot. In the summer there was a waterfall everyone liked to visit. 

“Seems like we weren’t the only ones caught off guard by the cold.” Cas said, nodding towards another car in the parking lot. 

Dean nodded, “Sucks for them. And us.” He grabbed Cas’ bags out the back, and started towards the small sign at the head of the trail with a bucket that normally held small maps but no one was there in the winter to refill it so it was still empty. That was okay. Dean knew where he was going. A four year old would know where they were going even if they’d never been there before. The trail was essentially one large circle, and it was mostly kept wide and open so that you didn’t lose your way. There were other trails that branched off of it, harder ones that you could take farther up or down or all around the mountain, but those were smaller and easily identifiable as more difficult. 

“You don’t have to pay?” 

“Nope. Used to, but a couple years back everyone got tired of paying, so they took it up with city council, and they won so now it’s free.” 

“Hm, I’ll have to start coming here when I start to go camping again. After…” He let the sentence trail off after that, because they already knew what he was thinking. It was something that seemed to never leave their minds. 

“I didn’t know you liked to camp.” Dean said as they crunched down the dirt path. 

“Yes, I used to really enjoy it. I haven’t gone as of late, but I’ve been wanting to.” 

“Why’d you stop?” Dean asked. 

Cas shrugged, “I don’t know. After college it just seemed like everything else needed my time and attention.” 

“So, I don’t know how my Uncle Bobby’s gonna react to you, so just be prepared for anything.” Dean warned Cas as they wandered down a little hill in the path. 

“Dean, this wouldn’t be the first time someone disapproved of me. He doesn’t have to like me, but I still think it’s important that I meet him.” 

“I know, just be prepared is all.” Dean knew it was too much to ask that Bobby welcome them with a smile and a warm handshake and a seat by the fire. Far too much. 

“It’s going to be okay, Dean.” 

“That’s what I’m supposed to say.” Dean replied jokingly. 

“Yes, and it’s already gone too far that you’re the one constantly consoling me.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I’m the adult. I’m supposed to be the mature one in the situation.” 

“Oh, trust me, you are.” Dean went back through the fourteen different times that day that he’d at the very least taken a five second glance at Cas’ ass. 

“I don’t feel like it.” 

“Sometimes I don’t feel like doing your assignments, but I do them anyway.” 

Cas crossed his arms as he walked, “Don’t patronize me.” 

“No, I was being serious.” 

Cas rolled his eyes at Dean, a reaction he’d come to love being able to pull from him, “You know, none of your other teachers really like you.” 

“No, I didn’t know that.” 

“Well it could be that you’re never in class.” 

Dean shrugged, “I’ve got more important things to do. Like take naps.” 

“You know, it’s strange. You’re almost never absent for my class.” 

“It’s close to the end of the day. I’ve already gotten all my naps in.” 

“Dean, I don’t want this whole job thing to give you an excuse to not go to class.” 

“Okay, mom.” 

“Fine, do whatever. I’m not your parents, but I do know that you’re smart enough to be passing with higher than a C average. I just want you to believe in your future, Dean. I do.” 

“Why?” Dean asked the question before he could stop himself. 

Cas paused and looked right up at him, “Because I think that if more people believed in your future, you would too. And just imagine what you could do with that, Dean. Imagine what you could do if you believed in yourself.” 

It felt as though Cas had carved each word on a brick and then thrown each brick at him, nailing him right in the chest. And then kept walking, little clouds rising into the air from his hot breath as he marched on. Dean was sure he would never stop being smacked upside the head with some of the things Cas said to him. Even so, he couldn’t let the words sink in too deep, because he knew that in the end, it wasn’t about his future or himself, it was about Sammy. If he could just make sure Sammy was okay, that Sammy got out and made it and became something of himself, then everything would be worth it. 

Within the next fifteen minutes of walking Dean knew they were close. 

“Should be right up here past this next little hill.” He said. 

Cas nodded, slowing down a little to fall just a bit behind Dean. He wouldn’t admit it, but Dean could tell. Cas was nervous. 

As they crested the hill, Dean could see a small puff of black smoke emanating from the small camp clearing cut just off the path. And then, in a yellow chair folding chair with a beer bottle in hand and facing directly towards them, was Dean’s worst fears realized. This would not be good. 

As they approached, Dean tried to ease Bobby’s clear scowl by smiling as they approached, vaguely noticing Sam in the background stabbing at the firewood with a long stick. 

“Hey, Bobby, we’re here.” He began to set Cas’ bags down, but he could not help but notice that Bobby barely noticed he was there. His threatening glare was laser locked onto Cas. 

“Hello, Mr. Singer, I’m Castiel Novak.” Cas extended his hand towards the man who had kept his seat in the yellow folding chair. 

They all waited in the tense air for several seconds, before Cas realized he wasn’t going to get a handshake, or perhaps even a word, out of the man and retracted the hand back to his side. 

“Well,” he continued, “I appreciate your invitation to join you on your camping trip. I was very delighted when Dean told me that you wanted me to come.” 

“Actually,” Sam suddenly pounced in front of Cas, “it was my idea. Samuel Winchester. But everybody just calls me Sam.” 

“Yes,” Cas smiled warmly down at him, “Dean speaks of you often.” 

“Hey, Sammy.” Dean reached over and scruffled Sam’s hair. 

“Hey, Dean. I set up your tent over there.” Sam pointed to a medium sized grey tent. 

“Wow, all by yourself?” Dean asked. 

“Yeah! It was hard, but I did it!” 

“That’s pretty impressive,” Cas chimed in, “I couldn’t pitch my own tent until I was fifteen.” 

Sam giggled really hard at that. He enjoyed being praised, especially by a stranger. 

“I guess we can just set up your tent next to mine…” Dean lifted the bag off the ground when suddenly a strange babbling noise came out of Bobby’s mouth before he declared, “No! He’s not sleeping here with us. You can set him up farther down the path.” 

“What? Bobby, are you kidding me?” Dean began to set off into a rage, but Cas reached out and grabbed Dean’s arm, pulling him away from the man. 

“Dean, stop.” 

“No! His piss drunk and being ridiculous.” 

“Dean, I don’t mind.” 

“Well you should!” 

“No, Dean, it’s fine. It will give me a little bit of privacy.” 

“That’s what the tent is for!” 

“Dean, please, I’m sure the next one up is really close. I’ll be fine.” 

“No you won’t, Cas. Your tent is going next to mine.” 

“Dean, no it’s not. If I have to pitch it myself somewhere else, then I will. I don’t want to disregard your uncle’s wishes.” 

“I don’t give a-“

“Dean, come.” Cas snatched the tent from his hand while he wasn’t paying attention to it, and started walking off down the trail. 

Dean, was furious and confused and just wild with rage. He snatched Cas’ other bag off the ground and stormed off with it. He knew that the next camp clearing was, in fact, less than a quarter of a mile up the trail. After the first few they grew in frequency. But he was still pissed as hell about it. 

“Cas, I don’t like this.” 

“I don’t care.” Cas curtly replied. 

“Why the hell not?” Dean continued to rave on. . 

Cas spun on a dime, causing Dean to nearly smack into him. 

“Because I’m trying to be reasonable, Dean. Whether he is or is not, I’m going to do my best to not let it get to me. But it’s becoming increasingly hard with you screaming about it in my ear. Now either give me my bag and let me go set up my camp in peace, or quit howling about something that’s already done. You can’t change it, no matter how mad you get. Yelling won’t make things any better, Dean. If I let things like that get to me every time they happened, I would’ve checked myself into a mental hospital a long time ago. If I behaved as you did, it would only give him more of a reason to believe that the way he feels is true. I want to be a part of your family, Dean. I don’t want you to distance yourself from them because of things like this. If that’s the way he feels, then all I can do is work to change his mind. But I can’t do that if you speak for me by yelling over me. I know you’re angry, but yelling about it won’t change his mind. I will be okay. I do, actually, want a little bit of privacy for myself. This has not gone as bad as it could have, so are you done?” 

Dean huffed a few times, pouting, and then mumbled a “yes”. He followed Cas the rest of the way like a dejected puppy. The next place was maybe two minutes up the trail. Still pissed Dean off. 

Cas set his bag down in the small clearing, “See? I’ll be fine here.” 

“No you won’t. What if a bear attacks you?” 

“What difference would it make if a bear attacked me here or next to you? You could hear my screams of agony better as I got carried off into the woods?” Cas spat in sarcasm, bending over to unzip the bag with his tent inside, and then coming back up to add, “And thank you, for putting that thought into my head. I’m sure it will be pleasant to consider as I try and sleep tonight.” He pulled the tent from the small bag and started laying the pieces on the ground. 

Dean kept his mouth shut for the next while. He helped Cas set up his tent, and put his sleeping bag and blankets inside. 

“Do you want me to help you build a fire or anything?” Dean offered cautiously, not wanting to set Cas off again. 

“No, I think I’m just going to turn in for the night.” 

“But you haven’t even eaten.” 

“I’m not hungry. Part of all the hormonal imbalances. I’m sure at midnight I’ll be craving chocolate chip cookies and cry about it for an hour.” He stepped inside the small tent, having to hunch over and then getting down on his knees and poking his head back out the opening. 

“Goodnight, Dean.” 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come stay here with you? I don’t like you being out here all alone.” 

Cas shook his head, “You need to stay there. I’ll see you in the morning. And Dean?” 

“Hm?” 

“Please, try to be more civil with your family. I know you don’t notice it, but it frightens Sam when you do that.” 

“What? No it doesn’t.” 

Cas shook his head, “Ask him. But, even if it doesn’t, they’re your family. You should at least try.” 

“I am trying. He’s the one who-“ 

“Dean, take some deep breaths, and then go back.” 

Dean knew deep down inside that Cas was right, but he didn’t want him to be. He hated being wrong. But he made it a mental note to try and follow Cas’ advice. Until he got back to camp and saw Bobby still sitting there in that goddamn chair. 

“Bobby, what the hell?” He asked, trying to keep his cool, but he could feel the rage building up deep inside of him and it just needed to come out in a series of screams and swears. “This is the impression you give? Getting drunk and then insulting him? If you thought this was going to make me break up with him or the other way around, you were wrong. I told you that I’m not leaving him. We’re in it together for the long haul, Bobby, so you better buckle down and deal with that or start dropping off Sam to me on weekends, because I won’t do this anymore if you can’t accept us.” Dean was proud of himself for not letting any of the various swear words that had come to mind throughout his speech out. He was also very proud that he had not raised his voice to a yell, and that he had not straight up punched Bobby in the face. He had never hit Bobby before, but it had crossed his mind briefly at one point. But he hadn’t, and that was what mattered. Then, Dean glanced over and saw Sam, standing there, obviously waiting for the fighting to start, and he understood what Cas had meant. 

He turned and left Bobby, walking over to Sam, “Come help me gather more sticks for the fire, Sammy.” He said. 

Sam followed after like a little puppy. Dean tried to do his best at hanging out with Sam, forgetting about the ordeal with Bobby, but it lingered there in the back of his mind, bothering him constantly. He didn’t understand why Bobby was acting this way. Had Bobby gone along with inviting Cas on this trip just to try and break them apart? Dean was confused, and hurt. He had thought Bobby might at least try. When they returned the chair was packed away and Bobby was in his tent. Dean tried to not let it bother him as he hung out with Sam at the fire. Sam accidentally burnt one of his marshmallows to a crisp, gooey black ash dripped to the ground off of his stick. And while they laughed Dean dropped half his hot dog in the fire altogether. Dean told Sam scary stories and Sammy ate it up, and then, when the moon had reached the center of the sky, he crawled into the tent with Uncle Bobby, and Dean slipped inside his tent, just getting inside of his sleeping bag when his phone began to ring from his pocket. The screen lit brightly, forcing him to squint until his eyes adjusted. He pressed ‘answer’. 

“Cas?” 

“Come” Was all the voice on the other side said, and it was all he needed to say. Dean was up and out of his tent, barely stopping to put on his shoes, hurrying down the path. 

“Is something wrong?” 

“Just get here.” Was all he said and then he hung up. 

Dean half jogged down the path, getting to Cas’ tent and looking around to make sure there were no bears or murderers creeping around, before rushing to the tent opening. Images of Jason Vorhees popping out from his place hidden among the trees and slaughtering unsuspecting teens ran through Dean’s mind as he walked up, unzipping the tent. Carefully, he stepped into the dark, “Cas?” 

He only had one foot inside the tent when suddenly, two hands shot out and grabbed him, pulling him down to the ground, and a pair of lips meshed with his. 

“Ah! Cas! What are you-What are you doing?” Dean asked against Cas’ lips. 

“Dean, I missed you so much. Let’s have sex, right now.” He said, shoving Dean’s shirt up his chest. 

Dean sat up, pushing Cas off of him, “Whoa! What are you going?” Dean asked. 

“God, Dean, I think it’s the mood swings, I don’t know, but I’m just sooo horny.” Cas groaned, “I need it. I need it right now. Please, Dean, please.” Cas begged, reaching back out for Dean. 

“You called me at midnight for sex?” Dean asked. 

“Yes. I just-“ Cas paused and sucked in a deep breath, letting it out slowly, “I know it sounds stupid, but I’m going to go crazy if I don’t have sex right now. Please, Dean, just lay down.” 

“You know you’re insane, right?"

“I’m not insane, I’m pregnant. Now lay down.” Cas ordered. 

Dean did as he said, Cas directed him onto his back. Cas made his way back over him, pushing up his shirt over his head. Dean tossed it to the side. Cas kissed along Dean’s collar bone as he unbuttoned Dean’s jeans. The cold bit against Dean’s skin, but the heat from Cas’ mouth and tongue felt amazing. He could tell Cas was already hard and ready. Before he could even start to wonder what sort of animalistic sex cravings was controlling Cas, his pants were being pulled down around his ankles and his junk was exposed to the cold air. Cas paused there to strip himself down out of a thermal undershirt and sleep pants. Dean missed the heat of Cas’ body, but it was back very soon, pressed up against him. Cas ground himself against Dean, digging his hips against Dean’s, their skin rubbing together. 

“Ungh!” All thoughts in Dean’s mind flew out the window as his head was filled with intense pleasure. Cas passed again, and again, until Dean was fully hard. Cas leaned down and kissed Dean’s pelvis once before leaning forward and slowly sliding himself down onto Dean. There was nothing better than the warmth of Cas’ body surrounding Dean, of being inside of Cas. Cas gripped Dean’s shoulders, sliding forward and then back down again. They moaned in unison, and then Cas began to pick up a quick rhythm, bouncing up and down on Dean, riding him like a professional cowboy. Cas smacked against Dean’s hips, perfectly cupped in them. 

“Ah, Ah! Cas, I’m gonna come!” Dean exclaimed. 

Cas didn’t seem to care, as he was caught up in his own exhilarating orgasm. Dean watched as Cas experienced what looked like a better orgasm than being fucked by Jesus Christ himself. Cas trembled as he orgasmed on Dean, slowly falling forward onto Dean’s chest. 

Dean caught him, panting and sweaty, the cold air quickly cooling the sweat on his forehead. He kissed the top of Cas’ head as he panted on top of him. 

“Thank you, thank you, Dean.” Cas breathed. 

Dean wasn’t sure what possessed him to say it. Maybe it was that conversation with Sam. Maybe it was just telling his family about Cas. Maybe it was the ordeal with Bobby earlier. Maybe it was the high running through Dean’s mind. But something, something caused Dean to say “I love you, Cas.” 

Cas didn’t do anything for a moment. His head was turned to the side, away from Dean, cheek resting on Dean’s chest, and he didn’t freeze up, he didn’t laugh, he didn’t run away in revulsion. He simply laid there for a few minutes, Dean’s heart hammering in his chest, and then looked up at Dean, pulling himself forward and planting a solid kiss against Dean’s lips, folding perfectly against each other. He pulled away, resting his hand palm down against Dean’s chest, and his chin against his hand, looking right up at Dean in the darkness, and saying “I love you too.” 

Dean hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath until he let it out after Cas said that. It was the best feeling in the world to hear it, and he could tell that Cas had meant it. Maybe. Maybe everything would be okay. Cas fell asleep quickly after that, and Dean had to shake him back awake to make him put back on his pajamas. He whined about being sweaty and so then Dean had to give him a bath with wet-wipes in the darkness, and then make him get dressed. Cas wasn’t very helpful during the experience, and Dean could tell he was truly worn out. Not just from the sex, but from everything. This was already taking its toll on Cas. He could only imagine what the next eight months would be like. Then, he too fell asleep, cradling Cas in his arms. 

“Cas?” Dean shot up, following Cas as he nearly tripped jumping out of the tent and bending forward in the grass, heaving and convulsing as he vomited everywhere. Dean held him through it. “Damn. I hadn’t realized it was still this bad.” Dean said as Cas straightened up a little, looking dead tired. “Are you okay?” 

Cas nodded, “I think so.” He looked back at his tent longingly, and Dean wanted nothing more than to just crawl back in with him. The morning was cold, and Dean just wanted to wrap Cas in his arms and hold him for a little while longer and let him sleep. But neither of them did any of those things. Instead, Cas washed out his mouth with a bottle of water and a napkin and got dressed, and Dean pretty much looked how he always did, carelessly disheveled but sexy as hell anyway. Dean walked Cas down to the campsite. They found a small flame in the fire pile, Sammy watching a pot of boiling water filled with eggs sitting over the flickering light. 

“Morning, Sammy.” Dean said, and just as he did, Bobby stepped out of their tent, looking at them before turning his head away and walking over to the pot on the small metal stand. 

“Thanks for watching the eggs, Sam, you can go play.” Bobby remarked. 

Sam ran over and hugged Dean, “Good morning” and then he stepped back, and promptly wrapped his thin, lanky arms around Cas as well, “Good morning” he breathed into the cold air as he released him. 

Cas beamed. “Good morning, Sam.” 

Sam ran off without a second thought. Dean stepped forward, and Bobby straightened up. 

“Look,” He started, and Dean rolled his eyes Here we go “I owe both of you an apology. But mostly you.” Bobby said, turning towards Cas. 

Dean wasn’t sure whose jaw dropped farther, his own or Cas’. 

“Yesterday, I was drunk, and I said some things I shouldn’t have. It was very wrong of me to say what I did, and I’m sorry.” Dean could see how uncomfortable Bobby was at doing this, but that just made it all the more sincere, “I was just trying to look out for Dean, but I can see that I only made things worse. I would like to start over, if you’ll let me.” Bobby extended his hand towards Cas. 

Cas only took a moment before he took it, saying, “I appreciate that, sir. My name is Castiel Novak.” 

“Robert Singer. You c’n call me Bobby. I’m not always an angry drunk, y’know. I don’t know what got into me yesterday.” 

“That’s alright, sir. I understand.” Cas replied. 

Dean was nearly glowing with excitement. He could hardly contain it. 

“You can call me Cas, by the way.” Cas told him. 

“Hey, come see this!” Sam called from down the path. 

Cas turned and started off, Dean hung back and leaned over to Bobby to say, “Thank you” 

Bobby looked up at him, though Dean always felt like a child in Bobby’s wise gaze, “I care about you, Dean. No matter how I feel about this, it ain’t worth losin’ you over. I want you to feel like you can always tell me anything.” 

“I know, Bobby. Thanks.” Dean nodded, following Cas and Sam up the trail a short way. 

“This is the trail to the waterfall!” Cas was exclaiming, bouncing up and down near the head of a more narrow trail that lead up the mountain, “Can we go? Can we?” 

“Sam, it’s freezing. We won’t be able to swim.” Dean told him. 

“I know, but I wanna go anyway. Can we? Pleeeeeaaaaasssseee?” he whined. 

Dean shrugged, “That’s up to Bobby…” 

“You guys go, I’ll stay here and try not to drink so much.” Bobby said. 

“Are you sure?” Dean asked. 

“Yeah. I’m not young like I used to be.” Bobby told them. 

Dean shrugged again, “Let’s eat breakfast first. Then we can hike to the waterfall.” He said. 

Sam cheered loudly, and they chowed down on boiled eggs and satsumas before gearing up to hike the trail up to the waterfall. During the summer, the well-known landmark was a tourist hotspot. Families took their children there all summer long to swim in the falls, but in winter it remained abandoned. The trail wasn’t too difficult, but there was simply not much reason to hike all the way just to go see it, unless you were Sam and that was your reason. And then there was always a reason. 

“Cas, why are you so stuck on this?” Dean asked as they hiked up the next hill in the trail. Sam was already a bit ahead, running all over the place and climbing trees when he got too far ahead to wait for Dean and Cas to catch up. Dean often thought of how it is recommended to make a lot of noise when one hikes to scare away any bears or other predators, rather than stumble on them accidentally, and how Sam was like a warning to all the animals in a five mile radius that they were coming. Between rustling through the trees and “What is that plant? Can I eat this berry? Is this a coniferous type tree?” no animal would dare even try to approach them. 

“I simply want to know where you found satsumas. I believe they ripen around November, they’re a winter fruit. You shouldn’t have been able to find any at this time of the year.” 

“Does it matter?” 

“Fruit always matters, Dean.” Cas replied. 

“Is obsession with fruit a pregnancy thing?” Dean teased. 

Cas shot him a glare “I certainly hope that was a joke.” 

Dean shrugged, “To be honest, I don’t know much about it.” 

Cas ran a hand through his hair, “Don’t say things like that. You make me nervous.” 

“Just being honest” 

Cas paused on the path, closing his eyes for a moment so that he did not erupt all over the place in a fiery volcanic explosion, “Dean, I want you to find a very large stick, preferably one with sharp twigs sticking off of it, and then I want you to hit me with it until I die. Then, leave me up here for the bears.” 

“Aw, come on, Cas, I know a little bit.” 

“You need to know more than a little bit if you’re going to be a parent, Dean.” 

“Cas, did the first parents have any books to read or special training? No. They just sorta winged it.” 

“I will not have my first child raised on ‘winging it’, Dean.” Cas said affirmatively, though Dean could sense it, they both knew this was speculation. The odds of actually having to raise this child…but if talking about it as though it were a real possibility made Cas feel better, then by all means Dean would do it. 

“I found it! It’s just up ahead! Come on, guys!” Sam called out from around a bend in the trail. He came racing back to them and circled around them before running back again. 

“We’re coming.” Dean replied, reaching down and taking Cas’ hand in his. He didn’t know why, but it just felt right. 

As they rounded the corner, Dean was stricken with awe, and Cas let out an “Oh, _wow_.” into the cold air, the water rushing over the pale grey rocks and into the small pool of water below. The water then ran on through a few sparse weeds starting to pop up in the spring warmth from winter, and rushed down over more rocks further on. It was serene and beautiful, and for a moment, Dean forgot about the real world. All he was focused on was the scene in front of him and Cas, standing star-struck. Dean adjusted his fingers in Cas’ hand, and Cas tightened his grip ever so slightly. The light sound of the water rushing over the rocks past them. 

“It’s amazing” Cas breathed, but when Dean turned towards the sound of his voice, he was captured in a new form of beauty. The sparkle of wonder and awe in Cas’ eyes, the amazement on his face, before Dean even knew what he was doing he was kissing Cas. Every muscle in his body, every synapse in his brain, was screaming that this was right and that he simply _needed_ Cas. He never wanted to let go of Cas, to give this up. This blue eyed angel that had been given to him, he never wanted it to go away. He wanted to be in this moment, kissing Cas, tasting cheap mouth wash and something sweet but so un-identifiable but so right that Dean could only assume that it was Cas’ natural taste, and smelling pine and smoke from the camp-fire. They seemed to be locked in that place in time, unable to pull themselves apart. 

That is, until Sam let out an “Eeewwww, gross”, causing the both of them to break out into laughter. Dean laughed, and laughed until his belly hurt. And then he was stopped short. Not by anything happening around him, but by a thought that had slipped through his mind. _I’ve never been this happy before_. It took him by surprise. Surely he must’ve been happy at some point in his life, right? But as he thought on it, he realized that it was true. He had never smiled so much, never been so happy, as he was with Cas, up here on this mountain, or anywhere with him. It fascinated and scared him at the same time. He had never felt this way about anyone, or with anyone before. He had already told Cas that he loved him, but in that moment he knew that he had truly meant it. His words had been absolute, and he would never feel any different. 

“Come on, Sam. Let’s go back to camp.” Dean said, reaching out and taking Cas’ hand. Cas was still smiling, and Dean could tell that he felt exactly the same way. Dean felt unstoppable. He didn’t care if the rest of the world thought that their relationship or whatever was wrong. He dared the world to fight him. He was, they were, in that moment, invincible. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to post this update, it's been one heck of a semester! I hope you guys enjoy it, though!


	5. Not Impossible, Just Improbable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has to face real life, hard facts, and start growing up.

“We’re here!” Sam called out as he bounded into the house.

“We’re here!” Dean echoed, kicking the door closed as he towed all twelve bags of groceries into Cas’ house.

“Hey, Sam!” Cas hugged the energetic fluff-ball of hair, smiling up at Dean.

"What is all of that?" Cas asked, eyeing the bags in Dean's hands, "I asked if you could stop by the store for milk and chicken thighs!"

"Yeah, I know, but your fridge was looking a little bare, so I picked up some extra stuff." Dean replied, setting it all on the floor of the kitchen.

"You didn't have to do that! Dean, you shouldn't have done that. I can buy my own groceries." Cas replied.

Dean shrugged, "I wanted to." He took Cas' face in his hands and gave him a soft kiss, quick so Sam didn't go "eeewww gross".

Cas smiled up at him, their faces inches apart still, and then turned away to start putting everything up.

"You remembered I needed more flour!" Cas exclaimed in surprise, "I can't believe you remembered that."

"Of course I did." Dean smiled at him warmly.

Dean helped Cas put up the rest of the groceries while Cas chatted with Sam.

"Did you finish the chapters I told you to?" Cas asked him.

"Yep!" Sam replied, "It got a little slow, but it's getting a lot better."

"What's he got you reading this week?" Dean asked.

"The Outsiders. You should read it, Dean, it's really good." Sam smiled.

"I remember that one. That's the one with the gang fights and all, right?" Dean replied.

"It's about a lot more than that, Dean." Sam replied.

"It got a little too touchy feel-y for me. Main character was a wimp."

Sam rolled his eyes at Dean, "Classic literature is lost on you completely."

Cas laughed, "That's okay. He has his strengths in other classes."

Dean shrugged, "I have a good work ethic. It's called 'do work'."

"You have other strengths too, Dean." Cas replied, but none of them said anything for a few more minutes until Cas and Sam broke off to go discuss Outsiders while Dean collected the plastic bags and tossed them under the sink.

"You think you can finish it by next week?" Cas asked Sam as they sat on the couch.

"Next week? I can have it finished by Thursday." Sam replied confidently.

"Good. I'll try to have something else for you by then." Cas told him, standing up to face Dean, "Have you tried on your cap and gown yet?"

"Nah," Dean shrugged, "I figure if I don't try it on until the day of, and it doesn't fit, I won't have to wear it."

"Dean," Cas said in a reprimanding tone, "you have to wear it, no matter what."

Dean looked up towards the ceiling, before looking back down to face Cas' icy blue eyes that just looked right through him. He wasn't sure he would ever get over that look. "I'll look stupid in it."

"Dean, it's a graduation cap and gown. Everyone's going to look exactly the same in it. You have to at least make sure it's the proper length."

"Oh, I assure you, it is definitely the proper length." Dean raised his eyebrows suggestively as he smiled down at Cas, beaming.

Cas rolled his eyes, "Alright, that's enough for today. I'll see you boys tomorrow."

"Aw, Cas, don't be like that. I was kidding." Dean whined as Cas ushered them towards the door.

"It's getting late, and Bobby will be waiting for the both of you. I'll see you tomorrow, Dean." Cas said as he opened the door for them.

Dean snatched his keys from the coffee table and sighed, "Fine" giving Cas a short, gentle kiss before following Sam out onto the driveway.

Cas caught Dean's wrist as he walked away, pulling him back for a quick moment, "Thank you for shopping for me." He pulled Dean in for one last kiss, which Dean lingered into and made him wish he could stay for more, but Sammy was waiting in the car.

"I love you."

"I love you too"

Dean turned and walked towards the Imapala, feeling Cas' eyes on him the entire time, but when he turned to step into the car, Cas was already closing the front door.

It was dark by the time Dean and Sam pulled into the driveway at Bobby's.

"Well, nice for you two to show." Bobby said gruffly.

"Sorry, we got caught up at Cas'. Him and Sam have a little book club going on." Dean apologized.

"It's fine. Just shoot me a text or somethin' next time." Bobby replied, plopping down behind his desk. Once Sam's footsteps had pounded all the way up the stairs, Dean turned towards Bobby.

"Okay, what's up?" Dean asked.

"Did I say anything?" Bobby asked.

"You never sit behind that desk unless you're reading some super old book about something even older, or you're about to do bills or something. You just paid the bills, and something's eating at you, because you never get on me and Sam for coming home late. So what's up?"

Bobby huffed, "Dean, I think it's time we should start talking about making funeral arrangments."

"For who? Who died?" Dean asked, but before he had even finished asking the question he already knew the answer.

"Dean-"

"Bobby, do we have to do this now?"

"We have to at some point."

"Why? Why do we have to? Why can't we just wait until we have some sort of confirmation? A body? What are we gonna do, Bobby, bury an empty casket?"

"I've been talking to some of his commanding officers and he will be given a full military ceremony and burial with high honors."

"No, Bobby, he won't, because we're not burying someone we don't even know is dead!" Dean slammed his fist down on the desk in front of Bobby. He could feel the anger and frustration bubbling up inside of him, but he couldn't stop it. It was taking control of him, whipping him into a frenzy, "You can't give up on him. Not yet. I know you never liked the man, but you have to give him a chance."

"Dean, they've stopped looking for him." Now Bobby had raised his voice too, "I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings, but you've got to let the man go. Sam deserves closure. You deserve closure. We have to do this, Dean."

"No." Dean replied, "I won't let you. I'm not letting you bury my dad for me. When he's dead. When I know for sure that he's dead. I'll bury him myself." Dean grabbed his keys and made for the door. He didn't know where to go. He just knew he had to go. He started up the impala and sprayed gravel as he peeled out of the drive, tearing down the highway.

He had only gotten ten minutes down the road when his phone started ringing. He had half a mind to just throw the thing out the window, but when he saw Cas' name on the caller ID, he answered despite his better judgement.

"Hello?"

"Dean, where are you?"

"Driving. Why?" Dean tried not to sound angry towards Cas. Cas hadn't done anything wrong to him. But he couldn't help it. His gut was boiling and he could barely see straight he was so mad.

"Dean, you need to go home."

"Did Bobby call you?"

"No, Sam did. He's worried about you, Dean. You need to go home and tell him that you're okay."

"I can't-I can't, Cas. I can't go back there. I can't be around Bobby right now."

"Okay, calm down. Would you like to tell me what happened?"

"I just... I need to blow off some steam, okay?"

"Dean, you know I don't like it when you take off like this. I expect you to either be home or here in fifteen minutes."

"Cas, I can't even get to your house in fifteen-" Dean stopped mid sentence as the phone clicked silent. Cas had hung up on him. He had hung up on him! That was not what Dean needed. He was pissed off now. At Bobby. At Cas. At everyone and everything. He got to Cas' place thirty minutes later. He sat out in the Impala for a solid five more before he turned it off and walked up to knock on the door.

Cas answered with a hard look on his face, wrapped in a cardigan, sweat pants, and a t-shirt, "Dean."

"I'm here."

"So I see." Cas said as he stepped aside.

"What do you want from me, Cas? You said to come here, so I came."

"No, I said you should go home." Cas replied unnervingly calm but with a grit of annoyance in his voice as he shut the door behind Dean, "But you refused, so I offered to let you come here. But you didn't come straight here, either."

"Screw you, Cas. If you didn't want me here, you shouldn't have told me I could come. I don't need this tonight." Dean snapped, heading right back for the door.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Out. Away. Somewhere no one can bother me or tell me what to do or kick me when I'm down."

"Is that what you think I'm doing?"

"No, it's what you are doing. I think you're just trying to aggravate me. I know you're being an ass."

"Why would I do that, Dean? Why would I call you and ask you to come here if I just wanted to argue with you? You think I don't have better things to do with my time?"

"Clearly not."

"Dean, sit down."

"No. I don't want to be here. You don't want me here. I'm leaving."

"No, you're not. Despite what you think, Dean, I didn't invite you here to kick you while you're down or whatever you think is happening."

"Then why did you ask me to come here? Why did you call at all?"

"Because your little brother is concerned about you, Dean. Are you hearing me? Your little brother called me to get you under control. You don't want to hear this, Dean, but it's time you do. You're running. You're running away from whatever happened between you and Bobby because you don't want to face it, and it's affecting Sam. He can see it, hear it, and he knows what you're doing too. You're doing just what your father did to the both of you for years."

"Fuck you, Cas! You don't know anything about my dad! He was a good man. He did the best he could for us! You don't know anything!" Dean looked around wildly for an escape. Cas was blocking the front door, so Dean made for the only place he could go, Cas' bedroom. He slammed the door behind him, bracing himself against it as he slid to the floor. His head was swimming. It was all beating him down. He couldn't take it. It was more than he could handle, and no one was on his side. Bobby was ready to give up on Dad, and Cas was trying to turn Dean against him. It was as though everyone Dean cared about had conspired to get him to hate his dad. But he wouldn't. His entire life he had held on to his faith in Dad, he wouldn't let go of that now. And Sam. Sam had ratted him out to Cas. But Sam had never loved Dad the way Dean did. He never had, why would he care now whether they buried their dad or not? He had to get out of there. Get away from all of this. From the voices echoing in his head to let go of his father. He couldn't. He wouldn't betray him.

Dean tensed as a soft knock sounded through the thin wood door, "Dean?"

"Go away" Dean's voice came out weaker than he intended it to. He was just so exhausted. He didn't have the energy to fight anymore. And as his anger died down, it was replaced by shame and guilt. Yelling at Bobby. Running out on Sam. Yelling at Cas. Swearing at Cas. Shit. This was bad. He looked at the window on the other side of the bed and considered whether he could make it out before Cas came in. But then, where would he go? His keys were in the living room. And he couldn't run out on Cas, too. He had sworn that he would be there for Cas. No matter what. A promise he had made to Sam, in fact. Sam. Bobby. Cas. Dad. To who exactly did his loyalties lie most?

He had spent his entire life dedicated to Dad. But Dad was gone. Maybe forever. And what had he promised to Dad? Keep Sammy safe. He wasn't doing a good job of that if Sam was calling Cas to bring Dean back home. Man. He was a piece of shit for doing that to Sam. And Bobby, who had done nothing but be there in every moment that Dad wasn't. Bobby, who taught Dean how to fix cars and never said a word about raising kids that weren't his. Weren't even related to him by blood. Doing the best he could to raise kids he didn't ask for, but wouldn't dare let them go to anyone else. If something happened to Dad it was in legal binding that custody would go to Bobby of both Dean and Sam. But now there was Cas. And Dean loved Cas. Everything was right with Cas. He made the world less terrifying and he cared about Dean like no one else ever had. And he was pregnant with Dean's child. And Dean knew that if he wasn't, then they would have never been in this relationship in the first place. That Cas would probably have a miscarriage or a still birth and afterwards he would let go of Dean and it would destroy him. But until then, it was Dean's entire responsibility to take care of him and to make up for this predicament he had put them both in.

"Dean, can I come in?"

Dean shifted to the side so that Cas could push open the door. He quietly stepped inside. Dean kept his eyes on Cas' bare feet on the carpet until Cas sat down next to him, and then he turned his attention to his arms on his knees in front of him.

"Dean, I didn't mean to push you, I just need you to see what you're doing to yourself."

"I'm sorry, Cas." Dean said, and he forced a swallow past a huge lump in his throat, "I don't know what I'm doing anymore."

"Dean, you can't keep running from your problems. Eventually you'll have to face them. Running from them is only going to make things worse in the end."

"I just can't, Cas. I can't face this." Dean did everything he could to stop his eyes from watering. Stop the quiver in his lip. He could not. He would not cry. Not in front of Cas. Not like this.

"Face what, Dean?"

"Cas, my dad's dead." Dean tried so hard to fight it, but when he said it out loud...a sob ripped itself from his chest out into the air, and his eyes took that as a sign to force tears out and down his cheeks.

Dean felt Cas' hand reach out to him and pull him down into his chest. Dean let out another sob, and then another. He couldn't be bothered to hold them back anymore. He cried and he cursed himself the entire time he did so. As soon as he could get a handle on himself, he did, sucking up all his tears and forcing his chest to stop heaving, he took a deep breath and pulled back from Cas' embrace.

Cas didn't say anything, he simply looked up at him with sadness in his eyes.

"Cas I-I'm not ready to let him go. He's my dad, y'know? No matter what, no matter how many times he left, he always came back. He always came back for me and Sammy. I can't...I can't just give up on him. Not yet."

"Dean, you're not giving up on him." Cas replied softly, "If he's gone, you can't hold onto what's not there anymore. You have to let yourself let him go, Dean."

"But what if he's not dead? What if he's still out there and he comes home and finds out that we all gave up on him? Just...moved on?"

"I should hope he would be understanding. If not, then that is his own problem that he will have to resolve with himself. Any father who wants the best for his children should understand that they wouldn't hold onto him forever when all the signs say that he's dead. But, Dean, you should also face the fact that he probably won't come back. I'm not saying it's impossible, it's just improbable. If you keep letting yourself be afraid of what might happen if he comes back, you're not letting yourself let go of him. You have to stop fearing your father and start living your life, Dean."

"I just spent my whole life worshiping the guy. I never wanted to see less than the best in him because I never got to see him. When I did, I was just so happy that he was there that refused to see what he was doing. Abandoning us. Running away. I guess I just learned to do the same." Dean hung his head in shame. He realized then and there that the man he had always aspired to be wasn't really a hero, and that he had adopted his father's good and bad habits.

"But you know now, and you can change, Dean. You don't have to be like him. You just have to take notice of it and change."

"I don't know if I can, Cas. I get so caught up in the moment...I can't stop myself."

"You don't have to do it alone, Dean. Let me help you. Let Sam and Bobby help you. We all want the best for you, Dean. We all want to see you be your best self. And we want to help you, but you have to let us."

"Okay" Dean resigned, "Okay."

"First thing's first, you have to go back home." Cas said.

Every fiber of Dean's being wanted to stay there in Cas' warm embrace forever. But Cas was right. And if he was going to do this "help" thing, he had to learn to listen to Cas. So he stood, pulling Cas up as well. As he did so, his cardigan fell away and his shirt pulled in such a way that Dean's eyes caught sight of just the slightest baby bump.

"Wow, you're starting to show a little." Dean said, and without thinking he reached down to lift Cas shirt and admire the little bump there on Cas' abdomen. He was lost in his own admiration in it until he looked up to see Cas' mouth turned in a deep frown.

"I-I'm sorry." Dean stood, letting Cas' shirt fall back in place.

"It's okay. I like seeing you be excited about the baby. I'm not a fool, I know I probably won't get to carry it to term. But it really helps when you entertain the idea of that happening." Cas gave a small smile, "I'm just worried that I'll start showing too much before the end of the semester."

Dean frowned at the thought as well, but tried to hide it, "You'll be okay. We're almost there. We'll make it. I won't walk across that stage if you're not there."

"Dean" Cas scolded, "don't be difficult."

"I'll be as difficult as I have to be." Dean replied.

Cas looked as though he wanted to be angry, but instead he resolved something inside of himself and instead, he smiled up at Dean, saying "I love you."

Dean lit up inside when he heard those words and he beamed as he replied, "I love you too." Dean leaned down and gave him a slow, lingering kiss. Neither of them wanted to part, but they both knew that Dean had unresolved issues back home and needed to be taken care of. As much as this adult thing sucked, it's what would be best for their future, child or not.

Reluctantly, Dean grabbed his keys off the coffee table, and made his way to the door when Cas stopped him.

"Dean?"

"Yes?"

"If you ever swear at me again, you'll never set another foot in my home." He raised his eyebrows to imply the seriousness of what he was saying.

Dean's gut twisted in guilt, "I'm sorry. I won't ever do it again." he said waving one last goodbye, before driving back home. Dean found Bobby hunched over his old desk, an antique looking lamp shined a yellow glow over the papers in front of him. He practically jumped up as Dean walked into the room.

"Dean-"

"Look, Bobby, before you say anything, I know I was being childish. I shouldn't have left like that, and I'm not going to do it anymore. I...I think I'm ready to talk about...Dad now."

Bobby let out a deep breath, "Good, because we got a lot to cover."

By the time Dean was trudging up the stairs and kicking off his boots, it was way late. He knew school would be miserable the next day, but it would be miserable anyway. He opened the bedroom door quietly so he didn't wake Sammy up, flopping down onto his mattress on the floor in the darkness.

He had just pulled off his shirt and was snuggling under the covers when Sam's small voice spoke out in the dark, "Dean?"

Dean groaned, "Sam, go to sleep."

"Are you mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"Because I called Cas."

Dean huffed a laugh, "No, Sam, I'm not mad at you. I'm sorry I made you do that."

"S'okay."

"How'd you get Cas' number anyway?"

"He gave it to me so I could text him about my reading list."

"Of course he did."

"He's on my speed dial."

"You have speed dial?" Dean chuckled a little, staring up at the ceiling in the dark room, " _I_ don't even have Cas on speed dial."

"You should. Just in case."

"In case of what? In case I have a book emergency?"

"No, just in case something happens. You can call him quicker."

"Okay, Sam, I'll put him on speed dial."

A few moments of silence passed, and Dean wondered if Sam had fallen asleep. Just as he went to shut his eyes, Sam spoke again. This kid was going to be the death of him.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Were you and Uncle Bobby planning Dad's funeral?"

Dead took a really deep breath before he answered, "Yeah, Sam. We were."

"Did they find his body?"

"No, Sam. They didn't."

"Then how are we gonna bury him? I mean, I know he's dead, but are we just gonna bury an empty coffin?"

"Maybe, Sam. I don't really know yet."

"Where are we gonna bury him? Next to Mom?"

"I don't know, Sam. That's a long way to go just to bury an empty coffin."

"You said you didn't know if we were burying a coffin or not."

"Well it's definitely a long way to go to not bury anything."

"What is Kansas like?"

"It's...dry, and boring. Why?"

"Just wondering...Dean?"

"Sam, you have school tomorrow. Go to sleep."

"Okay."

Dean tried not to feel bad about shutting his little brother down. It was just that Dean knew where his line of questioning was going. He always got that same sound in his voice right before he asked what Mom was like, and Dean was too tired for that conversation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Good afternoon, ma'am, everything alright today?" Dean plastered a fake smile on his face and greeted the older woman as she stepped up to the checkout counter. Her silvery white hair was puffed up in curls around her head, and her frail arm set a twenty dollar bill on the counter.

"Fifteen on pump one, please." She smiled up at him.

He punched in her purchase to the register, sticking in her twenty and pulling out her change.

"You're a very handsome young man." She said as though she were stating a fact more than giving him a compliment, "Has anyone told you you should be an actor? Or a model?"

Dean smiled down at her, "Thank you, I'll look into it."

She touched his hand a little to long as she took her change from her, and Dean shifted from foot to foot as he tried to keep up his smile until she was out the door.

"Heeey, Winchester. How's it been today?" Harvey announced as he walked in.

Dean did not like this co-worker. He was the kind of guy who would nudge Dean and tell a racist joke, followed by, "I'm not a racist, though! I have a black friend!" and whistle at a girl's ass as she walked out the door. But Dean smiled at him anyway because he was Dean's relief for the evening.

"It's been slow, like always."

Harvey nodded his chubby head, "Cool. Ready to clock off?"

Dean nodded, "You know it." he clocked himself out on the time sheet, leaning into his manager's office. "Hey, uh, I'm headed out. See you tomorrow?"

Steve glanced up from his work desktop, "Oh, actually I wanted to talk to you, you and Harvey both, actually, if you have a minute before leaving."

"Uh, sure." Dean replied.

"Great, I'll be right out." Steve replied.

Dean pulled his phone out of his pocket to check it now that he was no longer on the clock. There were two messages from Cas.

_Cas 4:43pm_

_Hey, call me when you get off. Love you._

_Cas: 5:17pm_

_Making pasta tonight if you want to come over for dinner._

Dean smiled turned towards Harvey, who was counting out the register, "Hey, if Steve asks where I am, I'm just making a call out back right quick."

Harvey gave a curt nod, and Dean dialed Cas' number as he walked into the back area and out the metal back door that lead to a dumpster. He walked a few paces away from the door so that he didn't have to smell the putrid dumpster while he talked with Cas, staying just within the circle of light being given off by the small flood light.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Cas, you texted me to call you?"

"Oh, yes, I was wondering if you remembered where I had put up the Alfredo sauce, but I found it."

Dean chuckled. He loved talking about mundane things like pasta sauce with Cas. It almost made their situation feel normal. Almost. "I love Alfredo. Can't wait."

"You are off now, yes? Are you talking on the phone while driving?"

"No, Steve asked me to stay a couple of minutes late because he wanted to talk to us about something."

"Like what?"

"I have no idea. Something stupid probably."

"I'm sure. Dinner's ready whenever you get here. I'll wait for you."

"You don't have to. I'm sure you're hungry...you know, since you're eating for two."

Cas barked a laugh over the phone, "Ha, barely. Even if I were in my third tri-mester, I would still wait for you, Dean. I'm not eating for two elephants."

"Tell that to yourself next time you wake me up at two in the morning making muffins."

"That was one time, Dean."

"One time too many."

"Shouldn't you be in a meeting with your boss right now?"

"I mean maybe, but hey if he kept me waiting I don't see why I shouldn't keep him waiting too."

"Because he's your boss, Dean."

"And you're my boyfriend slash baby-mama. Baby daddy? Baby daddy mama?"

Cas sighed loudly, "Why am I with you?"

"Because you love me."

"Riiigght. Okay. Sure. We'll see."

"I-"

"Dean" Harvey's voice jolted Dean out of his conversation, and he spun around to find Harvey hanging out the door behind him, "Steve sent me to get ya."

"Oh, okay, uh, I gotta go," he said into the phone, "bye." he quickly hung up the call and stuffed the phone into his pocket, trying not to look too suspicious as he did so.

"That your girlfriend?" Harvey asked teasingly with his eyebrows raised.

Dean's heart skipped a beat as he tried to figure out whether Harvey was joking or if he had heard something he shouldn't have. How long had he been at that door?

"Uh, yeah. She want's me to, uh, work on this project for school together."

Harvey raised his eyebrows and quipped "Cute" before turning and heading back inside.

Dean followed him, trying not to let embarrassment flush to his cheeks as he found Steve standing at the counter, waiting for them.

"Alright, boys, we're gonna be replacing the white cherry flavor on the Icee machine with green apple. We're gonna start selling Takis so make sure they get stocked on the shelves. Dean, did you empty trash recently?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Harvey you're in charge of cleaning up the bathrooms at the end of your shift tomorrow morning. There's a truck coming in on Thursday, Dean I trust you can handle it and not burn down the store in the process?"

Dean nodded, "I can take care of it."

"You know, I can come in on Thursday if you need someone else to help out..." Harvey offered.

Steve shook his head and then smiled proudly at Dean, "No, I think Winchester's got it. Right?"

"Right." Dean replied, wondering how much longer this would go on for. His stomach was growling and Cas was waiting for him.

"That's all for now. Dean, you can go." Steve said, patting him on the shoulder, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow." Dean replied as he made for the door and jumped in the Impala before they could hold him up with something else, and tried not to speed as he drove over to Cas' in the dark.

"You're late." Cas smirked as he let Dean inside.

"Yeah, my boss is a dick." Dean replied, bending his neck to give Cas a small kiss, but ended up snaking his tongue inside of Cas' mouth for a little more of an exploratory act. Cas kissed him back, holding Dean's face with his hand. Dean pulled back smiling and licking his lips, "Mmm, the Alfredo tastes pretty good. So you did eat without me."

"Well, since I am eating for a herd of elephants, I didn't see why not." Cas smiled as he turned to head towards the kitchen.

"Cas, you know that's not what I meant." Dean chased after him.

"I did have a few small bites. But I did wait for you to fix myself an actual bowl. In case you were wondering."

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas's waist from behind as Cas scooped noodles into a bowl. "I appreciate you waiting for me." Dean hummed into his neck. It felt really good to just hold Cas for a moment after standing behind a crusty register at a dirty gas station for seven hours straight.

Cas turned around with the bowl and placed it in Dean's hands, "Go. Sit. Eat." he commanded.

"Thanks, Cas." Dean did as he was told and walked over to the couch, kicking off his boots and pulling up his legs to sit sideways on the sofa.

Cas walked over with his own bowl and handed him a fork as he sat down next to him.

"So, how was your day?" Dean asked him.

Cas shrugged, "It was alright."

"Come on, you can tell me. What happened?"

"It's nothing," Cas stared down into his bowl, "it's just that some of the other teachers are starting to talk..."

"About us? Did they mention me by name?" Dean asked.

Cas glanced up at him, "No, it's nothing like that. You've been doing very good at  
behaving normally."

"You say that like you didn't expect me to."

Cas shrugged, "I suppose it was fifty fifty for me."

"Fifty fifty? Wow, Cas, thanks for the confidence."

Cas shrugged again, "You have exceeded my expectations, Dean. And I am proud of you. And thankful. You make things slightly less stressful for me when it comes to my job."

Dean reached out to rub Cas' leg, "It's what I'm here for. But, back to you. So what were they talking about?"

"They've noticed that I've gained a little bit of weight. I don't think any of them suspect me to be pregnant. But if they're noticing my stomach already, I don't know how much longer I can get away with it before they do start to suspect..."

Dean huffed a breath of frustration, "We're so close, Cas. I can't...I can't live with myself if I get you fired in the last weeks of school. I just can't."

"Dean, if I do get fired, it won't be your fault. I'll just have to go and buy some new shirts in a bigger size, and hopefully I'll be able to hide it long enough for graduation to pass."

"I mean, all they have is suspicion, right? They can't fire you off of that alone?"

Cas gave Dean a "Don't be such a naive child" look, "I wish that's how it worked, Dean. I really do. Unfortunately with an allegation like this...there's nothing they wouldn't do to have my head on a platter. Hopefully, if it comes to that, firing me will be the only thing that they do."

"We're gonna make it. We'll pull through. I swear. If I have to get three jobs, Cas, I will. I swear."

Cas smiled, "That's a nice thought, Dean, but I don't think three minimum wage jobs will pay my house note and cover the cost of having a child. I've already started saving up just in case we do make it to term."

"We will." Dean stated defiantly, "We're gonna have this baby, together. And I'm gonna graduate and get a better job. A full time job. And I'll make enough to pay for everything we need. And you'll stay home and raise our kid and we'll be that weird gay couple that all of our neighbors barely tolerate and we'll get by somehow."

Cas lifted Dean's hand in his and kissed it, holding it tightly, "I would love that."

Cas didn't tell Dean how ridiculous or unlikely that was. He didn't make any mention of the fact that it was likely that neither one of them would have to face the issue of paying the hospital bill to have a baby, or any of the following financial burdens. He didn't tell Dean to get real or grow up or stop dreaming. Dean knew it was because Cas wanted it to be real. And with all the stress he was under, it was easier to pretend that those things could happen, could be true, than to face the reality that they couldn't. Dean squeezed Cas' hand back and snuggled his head into Cas' shoulder. Dean had his own personal concerns for the future as well. What would they become without this pregnancy tying them together? Would Cas shun Dean? Or would they just slowly go their separate ways and pretend it never happened? These questions burned inside of Dean, but he knew he couldn't ask them. It wasn't the right time or place to burden Cas with these added concerns. For now, Dean's job was to lighten Cas' load, not add more weight to it. So he swallowed down his questions and buried them deep, picking up his head and giving Cas' hand a tight squeeze, saying, "We should eat. It's already late."

"You're right. How was your day?" Cas asked as he turned his attention back towards his bowl of food.

"Eh, same as every day. School was boring. Work was terrible. The usual."

"How did things go last night with Bobby?"

"Okay, I guess. There's a lot to figure out, still."

"Like what?"

"Well, for starters, whether we want to bury a coffin or not. Then we have to figure out whether we will bury him here, which would be the best choice cost-wise, or next to Mom."

"Back in Kansas?"

"Yeah. He bought a plot there next to hers, but even with having to buy a plot out here on top of the other costs, it'd still be cheaper."

"I see. It is a lot of trouble to go through just to bury an empty coffin. Would you hold a service?"

"Nothing special probably. The military want to 'send him off ' the old fashioned way, but that's all. He doesn't really have any friends or connections to Kansas other than Mom, and neither of them had any living relatives, so it would be kind of pointless. I want to save the plot in Kansas, just in case they ever do find his body. But, if they don't, then I don't want to dishonor him by refusing to follow his one and only last wish, to be buried next to Mom. Even if we're not really burying him. It still seems disrespectful to put his headstone somewhere else and not have one next to hers."

"That is a pretty significant dilemma."

"Yeah. We'll probably bury him here, though. Since it'd cost too much to fly the three of us out to Kansas anyway."

"I'm sorry, Dean. I do not like that you are in this difficult position. No one your age should have to be planning out your parent's death. Especially for the second time."

"I still have Bobby. And Sam. So I'm okay." and then he added, "And I have you."

Cas smiled, "You do. Any time you need me."

Dean scraped his bowl clean and brought their dishes to the sink, rinsing them out before turning towards Cas, who was watching him from the edge of the carpet where it turned to tile floors in the kitchen area, leaning against the wall.

"I guess I should go. It's really late." Dean said slowly, hoping Cas would stop him and tell him he could stay.

"You should, it is very late." Cas sighed, crossing his arms, "But I would like it if you stayed the night."

"Yes!" Dean pumped a fist into the air, excitedly pulling his phone out and sending a quick text to Bobby not to expect him home.

Cas padded into the bedroom, and Dean yawned as he followed, tossing his phone onto the night stand and pulling off his t-shirt, throwing back the covers to crawl into bed.

"Shower first." Cas said as he turned on the lamp on his side of the bed.

"Aw, Cas. It's late."

"So you should take a quick one."

Dean sighed and had his pants undone by the time he made it into the bathroom. He quickly scrubbed himself off and borrowed a pair of boxers Cas kept aside just for Dean. Cas was already buried beneath the blankets when Dean returned, running a hand through his wet hair as he pulled the lamp string and made his way to his side of the bed in the darkness. As he settled in, Cas snuggled in close to Dean's chest, and Dean wrapped his arms around him as he fell into a deep sleep. 


End file.
